Last week, a guy I dated for a year and a half (who I haven’t talked to in months) told me “you’re slimming down” in the middle of a text convo.
I stared at it for a few minutes and couldn’t even reply for like an hour.
Are you saying I looked overweight? Are you saying I look bad? What does that even mean? And more importantly, why do people feel like they can comment on other people’s bodies?
Whether or not he meant to be positive or felt like it was a nice thing to say, I just feel like it’s inappropriate to talk about someone else’s weight, whether they’re underweight, overweight, etc.
“My body is not yours to critique and discuss. My body is not yours for consumption. My body is my vessel. An archive of experiences. A weapon that has fought battles only I understand. A library of love, pain, struggle, victory, and mystery.”
— Sophie Lewis
Struggling with your appearance doesn’t automatically mean you have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and having body dysmorphic disorder doesn’t mean it’s your fault for being insecure about your body.
what is body dysmorphia vs insecurity?
Body dysmorphia is “a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance,” according to Mayo Clinic.
Body dysmorphia is such a sucky condition, which is why it’s not fair to push your own thoughts or insecurities on other people.
The relationship with your body, health and fitness is personal. It’s something that can impact your confidence, self love and how you feel about your appearance.
Low self esteem can be a broader negative perception of yourself or your worth, while BDD centers on perceived appearance flaws.
Almost everyone experiences insecurities related to their body and appearance, but BDD crosses that line and can consume and interfere with everyday life.
You may think you don't like the way you look today, or you may feel insecure about certain body parts.
But BDD can make you spend hours thinking about what you consider flaws, repeatedly check or avoid mirrors or seek reassurance about your body.
It can also make you avoid certain social situations because of concerns about your body and appearance.
I can’t tell you if you have body dysmorphia, and I would only trust a qualified professional to diagnose the condition.
But I will give you some tips and resources for body dysmorphia and discuss some self love tips for dealing with feeling bad about your body.
how to deal with body insecurity
It’s not always easy to deal with struggles with your relationship with your body, but I think there are ways to cope with body dysmorphia and insecurity.
To help deal with body dysmorphia, try to limit comparisons, do things that make you feel positive about your body, wear what you feel comfortable in and practice self love.
I’ll break these down further below.
tip #1 limit body comparison & reduce triggers
I sometimes find myself constantly comparing my body to others, especially if I’m having a bad mental health day.
A study looked at the relation between body dysmorphia and body comparison and found that participants with body dysmorphic disorder reported “significantly higher levels of appearance comparison” than control participants.
”Individuals with BDD also reported greater levels of comparing in terms of the specific feature(s) of their appearance they were most concerned about as compared to overall appearance, whilst controls showed the opposite pattern,” the study reads.
It continues, “Levels of comparing in BDD participants increased as targets increased in terms of attractiveness, and individuals with BDD rated themselves as being markedly less attractive than targets, and feeling markedly less satisfied with their appearance after comparing.”
Body comparison sucks and only makes things worse and more complicated when it comes to body dysmorphia.
I’ve learned how to stop comparing my body to others by following people who share similar body types, eliminating triggers, focusing on what I like about my looks and becoming my own body goals.
Here are some ways we can continue to work on limiting body comparison:
focus on what we like instead of what we don’t like about our bodies
eliminate triggers (social media, being extra harsh on our periods, etc.)
find content that matches our body type and looks
reshape our social media habits and who we follow/what posts we interact with
read more: tips to stop comparing your body and looks to others
tip #2 do things that make you feel positive about your body
There will be times when you feel good about your appearance, and you should highlight those moments as much as possible.
They can be rare, so take note of when/why and document it for later.
For example, take lots of photos of yourself when you’re feeling good about your body. And look back at them when you’re not feeling your best.
It can remind you of the good days and when you’re feeling positive about how you look. It can also reinforce the idea that our bodies are always changing, and how you’re feeling right now may not be how you always feel.
“One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body.”
— Gabourey Sidibe
Start showing up as your best self when you go somewhere. Whether doing your hair, skincare, makeup or anything else makes you feel put together, do more of that!
I feel so much better mentally when I dress up to do something I don't want to, or go somewhere I’m not interested in (like work!)
tip #3 care for your body instead of judging it
We need to reframe our bodies from something that disappoints us into something that we need to spend time caring and providing for.
When was the last time you did something nice for your body just because?
Instead of criticizing yourself in the mirror before taking a shower, plan a nice routine of using your favorite body wash and taking your time moisturizing your body when you get out of the shower.
Put on your best-smelling perfume, do an at-home manicure and pedicure and appreciate the parts of you that you like or are functioning properly.
Go splurge on a nice massage and remind yourself how good it can feel to dedicate meaningful time to making yourself feel good.
There are different ways you can care for your body, and you should appreciate it as much as you criticize it.
tip #4 feeling ugly doesn't mean you are
I want to specifically highlight this because so many of us question if we’re body dysmorphic or actually unattractive. It’s a big problem within feeling insecure about your appearance.
Feeling ugly doesn’t mean you are unattractive, but it also doesn't mean you have BDD. There are so many times I feel ugly, though most of the time the thoughts are driven by hormonal changes, body changes or the cherry on top of having a bad mental health day(s).
Constantly analyzing, comparing and criticizing your own appearance can make your perception feel unbiased, but feeling unattractive is a feeling.
You have to remind yourself of compliments you’ve received in your life and times you’ve felt beautiful. You have to look back at old pictures that you feel you look good in.
Your worth shouldn’t depend on feeling “pretty enough.”
You’re beautiful, even if you don’t feel like it right now. And what your thoughts are telling you about your appearance, or what others have bullied or criticized you for, aren’t the full reality.
Challenge thoughts that make you feel ugly, and remind yourself that the way you feel about your appearance isn't an objective reflection of how you look.
tip #5 wear outfits you feel comfortable in & don’t be afraid to experiment
It’s a great feeling to feel confident in an outfit you love. The feeling of loving the way your body looks in an outfit is unmatched. There’s something about having a little extra pep in your step or sway in your hips.
If certain clothes are making things worse or you don’t feel great in them, it’s okay to not wear them.
I feel like there’s an unspoken pressure to be confident in everything you wear, but if something is making you feel insecure or self-conscious, why would I keep wearing that?
And while it’s great to feel comfortable in your clothes, make sure you have clothes that fit the bill in terms of what you like.
Experiment with different things, or try a new top or dress. Sometimes it takes seeing yourself in something you never thought you’d wear to realize how amazing you look.
fWhat I want you to remember:
body insecurity is so real and normal
you can love your body and still want to change certain things about it
don’t let other people control how you feel about your body
working on creating a positive relationship with your body and health is self love
body dysmorphia resources
If you’re suffering through an eating disorder or have an unhealthy relationship with your body, the National Eating Disorders Association has great resources to check out here.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation offers a BDD test, videos, self help books and podcast resources.
Mental Health America has a helpful guide for BDD and youth.
The Centre for Clinical Interventions has a workbook for building body acceptance and information sheets.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America offers several resources and articles.
There are also several resources, including a screening tool and counseling and treatment resources, related to eating disorders provided by the National Eating Disorders Association.
