the hot girl’s guide on bouncing back when a guy ends things

Jun 19

Written By S

I had a scary conversation the other day.

A guy slowly started pulling away from me, which I noticed and called him out on it. Then a few days later, he texted me about ending things. My heart immediately dropped, and I cried like a baby. Granted, I can be a sensitive person, especially when I start to have feelings for someone.

But I can also tend to stay suck in my feelings and pity myself for a while. I can be slow to move on (from someone I really like), which frustrates me because I feel obsessive and can’t let go.

It’s gotten easier through personal experiences with boys and learning tips and tricks for how to heal my heart over time. Dating can be rough and scary, but I know it’s possible to bounce back from being hurt and disappointed. And I plan on giving you all my expertise that I’ve learned over the years.

If a guy ends things & you want to be the hot girl that got away:

Don’t plead or try to reason.
Cry it out in your own space.
Go no contact.
Avoid stalking them.

Here’s how to bounce back when a guy ends things with you:

Don’t plead or try to reason

It’s so tempting to try to fight for him and beg him to still want you. I’ve done it wayyy too many times. In my head, there must be a mistake. Why wouldn’t you want to be with me? Aren’t we perfect together? I like you so much, why would you do this to me?

And that desperation and confusion leaks out to what I express to them. I also tend to be a crash out, so I can’t suppress how upset I am. I’ve sent long text messages expressing my feelings, cried on the phone to them and put blame on them for hurting my feelings (which has lasted for days.)

Instead, put up a strong front. If they end things with you, try your best to hold it together and think as sanely as possible. Don’t let them see you sweat. (very much easier than done, especially if it’s over text. If it’s in person or on the phone, I’m crying like a baby.)

Though even if you do have an emotional reaction, which is completely normal, try to let that be it. Don’t call them 10 times in a row, leaving voicemails and texts of how upset you are at what they did, and how much you still like them.

Walk away with your head held high, and remember you're worth more than this person is subduing you to. If they don’t see your worth and potential, they are not your person. And what helps me is reminding myself that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want me or that I had to plead with to stick with me. Imagine telling your kids that!

Cry it out. And then cry some more

Get out all your emotions. I know I just spent all that time telling you not to crash out, but that’s only in front of this boy. When you’re alone, with your friends or family, or anywhere that’s not in front of the person who hurt you, I encourage you to get out all your emotions and cry as often and as much as you can.

You don’t want to keep it bottled in because it will come up at the worst possible time. The first day or two after a guy ends things with me, I’m in distraught, crying all the time and feeling awful. That first morning waking up from a break up is something I don’t wish on my worst enemies. There’s nothing like that pain.

Try to embrace that pain. You really do have to go through it to get over it. Attempting to ignore or suppress it only makes things worse for me usually.

Go no contact

The method of using the no contact rule to move on is something I’ve done in multiple occasions throughout the past few years because it’s effective and allows for me to gradually stop thinking so much about someone.

I’m not always the best at it and have found myself breaking the rule when I miss that person, but it’s the effort and intention that reinforces my desire to remove this person, alongside the thoughts and memories of them, from my life and mind.

If you’re unfamiliar with no contact, it’s when you cut off all communication with someone, including in person convos, texts, calls, social media, etc., to help get over them after a breakup or when you need distance to help you heal.

The no contact rule is so effective because it takes away the distractions of healing and allows you to move on without worrying about if they’ll reach out to you and gets rid of the temptation to reach out to your ex.

Try to do no contact by creating a no contact countdown or goal, distracting yourself with self care activities, making little treats and incentives for yourself and journaling your feelings.

read more tips & tricks for going no contact here!

Avoid stalking them

No matter how much you want to keep up with what this man is doing and how he’s living his life, try to avoid that.

Do not:

watch his stories
look through what his friends are posting in case they post him
follow him on a secret account
have your friends keep up with him

Trust me, I know all the tricks to stalking a man. So I know it can be hard to have self control.

Make sure you block them on socials. To me, it is easier than blocking their phone number. They may know they’re blocked, but you’re not missing any texts that aren’t going through and left to wonder what they may have sent while blocked. Sometimes blocking doesn’t work or it’s simply not enough.

In those cases where you find yourself constantly unblocking or breaking boundaries you set for yourself, delete the apps for a little while. I’ve had to do it -- it doesn’t make you weak or bothered. It means you’re serious about your boundaries and doing everything you can to promote self love.

Boundaries are important -- we all know this. When it comes to stalking someone on social media, it’s important to set specific boundaries between you and this person

Go out with your friends & focus on distractions

Lean on other people during this time. Once you get over the period of being extremely sad, you’ll start to miss that connection and hanging out with him.

Make plans with your friends. Get out the house. Spend time with your family.

It sucks to be around people when I’m initially healing and tend to isolate myself. But as time goes on and I start to heal a little, I miss my friends and want to distract myself with fun activities. My friends are so supportive and listen to the good and bad when it comes to men. So being around them is always a safe space.