what to tell yourself when you break no contact & reach out
I broke no contact.
I was so scared, but I got to the point where I didn’t care anymore. It had been 11 days since the breakup and 8 days of no contact. I was proud of myself for making it that far.
I don’t regret it. But I worry about if it was a moment of low self respect.
I’ve been so happy that I had been staying consistent and managing anxiety and moments of weakness.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do during one of the worst weeks of my life.
I’m also not too mad at myself. I’m trying to give myself grace and understand I’m a human with complex feelings and responses.
It doesn’t matter that the interaction didn’t go terribly. It’s the fact that it could have, and things could blow up at any moment still.
It also won’t ever be the same as it once was.
We broke up for a reason, and does reaching out only cause more harm after a breakup?
One of the most impactful things someone has ever said to me (shout out to my ex-situationship I haven’t talked to in forever) was that it stood out to him that I would end things or agree to not talk, then turn around and be there with him.
Almost like it was a determinant of me not being dateable. Or it was just an unattractive trait I had at the time.
I really wanted to be different this time. And it is a completely different situation since this current person was my actual boyfriend, as well as it being our first time breaking up. But still.
So I’m dealing with some guilt and questioning my worth, but I feel like it’s a little extreme.
I know no contact is important, and I’ve written so much about it. But there’s another layer of managing self blame and granting yourself grace.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself if you reach out to your ex and break no contact after a breakup.
Remember, you’re human, and we make decisions unexpectedly.
But we shouldn’t punish ourselves too harshly, especially if it’s made in a place of good heart.
what to tell yourself
Reaching out doesn’t erase the progress I’ve already made.
I can return to no contact at any moment, and that choice is still available to me.
Feeling curious or lonely doesn’t mean I’m weak or regressing.
One moment doesn’t undo days, weeks or months of healing.
I reached out because I felt something deeply. It doesn’t mean I failed at moving on.
I can feel embarrassed, disappointed, or exposed, and still choose to be kind to myself.
I don’t need to shame or punish myself in order to learn from this moment.
This action doesn’t define my worth, my growth or my ability to heal.
Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy and emotional.
I’m allowed to miss someone while continuing to choose myself and my peace.
