what to expect emotionally after going no contact

No contact is a great way to get over an ex, or someone you’ve dated, after you end things. It allows time away from talking and seeing them to process your emotions, set boundaries and focus on moving on.

It’s one of the best methods for me to get over a man and, hopefully, leave him realizing what he’s lost. What’s not so easy is the emotional toll it can sometimes take. 

During no contact, there can be feelings of sadness, loneliness, missing them, anger, etc. Embrace all your feelings during no contact to fully heal and get over them.

you’re going to miss them.

This is someone you have strong enough feelings for, so much so that you had to put a method in place to restrain yourself from talking to them. 

So of course you may miss them, especially when it didn’t end on awful terms.

Missing an ex is a normal part of life, and we should normalize real, natural feelings. Instead of focusing on trying your hardest to not miss them, let feelings come naturally and acknowledge them.

No contact is the most effective for me when I let every emotion out, especially at the beginning. Then I get to a place where I feel indifferent, which is way bigger of a power move than being angry all the time.

So don’t be afraid to miss the man! It’ll get easier with time, and the moments of yearning and aching for this person will become less frequent. 

I’m not saying you’ll never miss them again (sometimes I miss the very first man I was ever with!), but it won’t paralyze you and your sanity. 

additional content: a guide on how to go no contact and tips to survive it

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you’ll question how bad things actually were. 

Do you ever leave a situation and find yourself being less upset as time goes on?

I have such a bad habit of downplaying things as time passes. I seem to “forget” how upset this person made me and how down bad I was at the time. 

I start to see flaws and disrespect as less intense, and I think to myself ‘was it really that bad?’

I’ll let you in on a secret: it was always that bad. And things are most likely not going to magically change. 

Don’t fall into the cycle of gaslighting yourself to believe you’re overreacting. You made the right decision by going no contact, and you should stand on it. 

To help myself remember all the bad and refrain from sugarcoating the past, I like to make a list of all his cons, mean things he’s said, terrible things he’s done, ways he disrespected me, etc. 

I’ll go back to my notes app to read my list whenever I feel like breaking no contact and reaching out. It’s a great way to stay focused and realign your “why” of setting up the system and removing this person from your life.

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days may feel boring & nights can feel lonely.

Time moves so much slower for me during no contact. I’m constantly trying to fill my days with solo dates, TV time, journaling, walks, painting, etc. 

Anything I can do to take my mind off of the person I’m in no contact with, I’ll do. 

Once I have nothing left to do or have downtime, my mind will race, and I’ll find myself feeling all the negative emotions.

This can make my days eventful in the first couple days because I’m excited that I finally cut this person off, and I have adrenaline from all the self love and solo date time I have now. 

But as I run out of things to do, once I have no more friends to distract me, or if I just need to rest, the days will feel more boring as the missing and loneliness kicks in. 

My nights are always lonely because I’m constantly thinking about him and have nothing to distract from my rumination and endless thoughts. I have no one to warm the other half of my bed, and other male distractions don’t always make me feel better.

additional content: journal prompts to help you go no contact and heal your heart

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tips to soothe the emotions that come with no contact:

Don’t be afraid to get out all your emotions. Sometimes the best way to heal is to go straight through the emotions and embrace them, rather than ignore or try to hide them. 

You can process your emotions through journaling, voice notes, venting to friends, etc. When I can get myself to fully express how I’m feeling, it’s such a relief. 

Even if I’m crying about a situation or writing down updates about my life, it just feels so personal and a great way to get it all out. Plus I love looking back and seeing where I’m at, what I was going through in the past and how I’ve grown.

Something that also helps me when it comes to keeping up with distance and making it through the days without reaching out or obsessing over an ex or ex-situationship is giving myself little rewards or goals to work toward. 

One of my favorite ways to do this is by drawing a calendar month and crossing off every day you successfully leave them alone. Usually by the time I make it to the end of the month, I don’t even need the motivation of crossing the day off to keep me going.

Try to also spend time with others who love you, such as family and friends. When you hang out with people who love you and have your best interest at heart, it just makes you want to love yourself harder and put your focus on those who do love and appreciate you.

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