why you don't need to watch someone move on
Breakups are hard enough.
I mean the tears, the pain, the loneliness, the identity crisis. Do we really need another factor to make them more difficult and painful?
Do you really want to torture yourself by watching them move on, or even stalking the girl he moves on with? Yuck!
(Don’t tell anyone: But I’ve been that girl to watch them move on and have stalked the other girl.)
(In fact, I’ve done it a couple times…)
My experience lets me know how awful of an idea watching your ex move on is! Just don’t do it.
Watching someone you dated move on to someone else causes jealousy, sadness and low self esteem. Free yourself from extra pain and slower healing by limiting how much you keep up with them.
It may be comforting in the beginning to know that your ex is still single. It may be entertaining to hear about his failed dates and talking stages. It may give you an ego boost to know he misses you and hasn’t found anyone like you.
But that is more than likely going to change. Whether it takes weeks, months or years to start dating again, he will start to move on and get back out there.
And my biggest hope for you is that you are healed and don’t care about him when that time comes around. Trust me, it makes processing the news so much easier.
read more: what to remember when someone chooses someone else over you
Story time! Do we remember my ex-situationship who I was, unfortunately, obsessed with at the time and casually dated on and off for a couple years?
(If not, you can catch up on how it felt to be addicted to him here or how much pain I went through by not being his first choice here.)
Well, a few months after the last time we called it quits, he popped up with a new girlfriend.
“Popped” might be aggressive because we had been talking casually, and I would hear the updates on how he was talking to someone, how it was kind of getting serious, how she moved to the city, etc.
I love the drama and to be entertained (and I so happened to be down bad for another guy around the time this was happening).
So yes, I listened to him talk about this girl.
And honestly, I brought up a lot of the conversation and questions: one, because I’m nosey, and two, because I wanted to know about this woman and how she compared to me.
I needed to know that I was “better” and that he was making a mistake.
Because how could you choose someone else over me? And how could you move on to someone else?
I’m living proof that these questions do NOT need to be investigated or answered.
read more: the truth about learning to love yourself after heartbreak
They moved on, and it sucks. But I shouldn’t have made myself so intertwined in the process.
I shouldn’t have caused myself extra pain and suffering by watching them slowly stop missing me and slowly focus on someone else.
You don’t want to notice the less frequent “miss you” texts after days or weeks of not talking.
You don’t want to witness him posting soft launches and outings where you know he’s with another girl.
What does that do for you besides make you anxious and irritated?
Even if you two broke up on good terms, or even have remained friends, do you really want to chance your feelings changing?
Sure, you’re both mature and you broke up for amicable reasons, and I absolutely love that for you.
But what if seeing him with another girl sparks feelings you didn’t even have when you guys broke up.
After a breakup, there are a million feelings and changes happening. I want you to make the process as easy and comforting as possible. If there are things you can avoid that you know will cause you harm, do it.
And watching someone move on from you is definitely something that can cause you harm.
