how to stop breaking promises to yourself and rebuild consistency
You should be the person you trust the most in this world.
There’s nothing like going through life having to question your decision making or wondering if you’ll be able to pull through in crucial moments. Don’t end up in that situation.
I’ve broken promises to myself on numerous occasions, such as breaking no contact or falling flat on responsibilities or goals.
It makes it hard for me to trust myself and know that I can keep my word. That leads to a lower self worth and self trust.
Stop breaking promises to yourself by rebuilding trust, practicing discipline, focusing on consistency and setting clear intentions for keeping your promises.
rebuild trust after breaking promises to yourself.
Rebuilding trust can take weeks, months, or even years, depending on the betrayal and level of willingness to work toward forgiveness.
You shouldn’t automatically force yourself to forgive and trust yourself either. The real work and the most meaningful lessons come through the hard work and the toughest moments.
Self trust is also a little different than trying to rebuild trust with a partner or friend because you’re only dealing with your own emotions and feelings, instead of working with someone else.
“Forgive yourself for what you think you’ve done or not done. At every moment, you had your reasons for all of your actions and decisions. You’ve always done the best that you could do. Forgive yourself.”
— Doreen Virtue
The more promises you break to yourself may make it harder to rebuild trust. To rebuild self trust after you’ve let yourself down, focus on self discipline and setting stronger boundaries, being honest with yourself in the process, while demonstrating self awareness and positive actions.
Self trust allows you to be confident that you’ll make good decisions and know what’s in your best interest.
When I feel the most confident in myself to do the right thing, it’s usually after I’ve demonstrated the ability to stand on my boundaries and put my longterm best interest first.
practice discipline with your promises.
Keep your promises clear and straightforward. Try not to have vague promises.
Having clear intentions and tasks to work toward your promises, or having a clear path to keeping your promise, allows you to stay disciplined because you can envision the path to what you’re working toward instead of a vague goal.
For example, if you want to eat healthier, set a certain number of vegetables and fruits you want to eat in a day. Come up with the number of fast food meals or amount of times you eat out that you don’t want to go over.
If you want to spend less money, create a budget and a plan for staying on track with your spending. Set aside money that you absolutely can’t touch, and allow yourself money that you can spend during the week or month.
“Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.”
— Miguel Angel Ruiz Macias
Additionally, recognize any triggers that could lead you to break your promises.
Sometimes I’ll promise myself I’ll finally hang out with a friend I have been unintentionally blowing off.
I also know that once it gets cold and dark during these winter months, I’m less likely to go out. So maybe I’ll try to schedule something during the day, or host my friend at my place.
“You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you’ve been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. Forgive yourself, then move on!”
— Wayne Dyer
When I go out and drink alcohol, I tend to want to eat fast food at the end of the night. When I listen to certain songs, it reminds me of my ex-situationships and makes me want to reach out. When I stay up late on my phone or watching TV, it makes me want to cancel my early morning workout class.
These are all behaviors I recognize and can see coming a mile away. They are my triggers that prevent me from keeping promises to myself.
read more: discipline is the key to self love. here’s how to stay disciplined.
create clear schedules and focus on consistency.
Setting specific schedules for myself helps me stay on track and limits moments of weakness.
If I promise myself I will or won’t do anything, having a clear, consistent schedule set around that promise ensures I’ll be able to keep it.
For example, if I promise myself I’ll drink less this week. Maybe I’ll go buy groceries at a place and time where I’m unable to buy wine. Maybe I’ll accidentally forget my ID when I go out for dinner with my friends.
Focusing on consistency helps, and it also becomes easier to follow your promises the more you do it. Keep strong, and set a schedule that makes sense to you.
“Forgive yourself first. Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over again in your mind. Don’t become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Don’t remind yourself of what should have, could have, or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on.”
— Les Brown
Something I also like to do is set clear intentions on a monthly basis. Breaking intentions down into monthly, trackable action items can help you realistically improve the relationship you have with yourself and make keeping your promises to yourself a reality.
I recommend recapping and reflecting on areas in your life that you want to keep your promises in.
For example, if you made a promise to yourself to work on your confidence, recap on the past 30 days and when you have noticed that it’s been higher and lower than normal. Reflect on triggers you’ve witnessed and think about possible reasons you can point to for the low confidence.
Keep things on paper or in your phone somewhere, so your goals aren’t going into the void.
read more: how to set self love intentions every month
