So I’m talking to someone new since my breakup almost a year ago.
It’s weird to enjoy talking to someone else. Part of me feels guilty for moving on, but the other part of me realizes how ridiculous that sounds.
You’re supposed to move on from an ex, and that’s just a part of life. You’re supposed to experience new men and fresh feelings.
However, that doesn’t erase the weird, sad feelings. If you loved someone for a good amount of time, you have to accept that chapter ended at some point.
It makes it a little better knowing how things ended didn’t leave room for reconciliation. Though you can’t always mask your feelings, even if it did end poorly.
Take your time, and don’t rush the process of healing. But don’t live in the “he’s the only one” or “I’ll never find someone better” mindset forever.
You’ll find love again, even if it doesn’t seem like it. So here are four tips to let go of some of the guilt you may feel while you move on from your ex.
stop thinking you have to be 100% healed to date again.
Sometimes I still cry over my ex. That might sound a little crazy since I haven’t talked to him in months, and I’m open to dating again.
But just because you still think about your ex, or even still get sad over them, doesn’t mean you’re not ready to date. You should definitely be “over” them, and you shouldn’t want to get back with them.
I think it’s unfair to you and someone else to actively be in love or heartbroken over an ex and tell someone else that you’re open to a new relationship.
However, dating again doesn’t mean you can’t think about your ex, wonder how they are, or even let out a few tears.
Furthermore, don’t punish yourself for thinking about your ex. Don’t measure how much you’re over them by the exact number of times they come across your mind.
One day, you’ll wake up and realize you have fully moved on. But examining every day if you’ve moved or not will end up driving you crazy.
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think about if your ex would feel guilty about moving on.
Too often, we consider other people’s feelings and don’t want to make ourselves the villain in someone else’s life (or is it just me?)
I’ll think about how my ex would feel if he found out I was in a new relationship, or sleeping with someone new. I picture him heartbroken and depressed. I imagine that he’s still not over the relationship and thinks about me in despair every day.
But that’s unfortunately not likely.
Sometimes you have to really think about what your ex would do in your shoes? In fact, think about what they’re probably already doing.
Have that image in your head if you need to. If it’s been a reasonable amount of time since the breakup, assume that your ex is dating again.
Assume that they’re getting back out there and having the time of their life, especially in situations where you don’t follow them on social media anymore or have mutual friends.
I have no idea what my ex is doing, so it’s easy to paint a picture that comforts me. But that can leave you stuck in the past.
Would your ex really feel as guilty as you do about getting back out there? Assume not.
let go of the timelines.
There’s a million TikTok videos and advice online telling you how long it takes to heal from heartbreak. In fact, we’re a self love brand here, so you may even get similar advice here!
But you have to take some advice with a grain of salt. Or at least, don’t let it run your life or decisions.
Don’t hold out on dating because someone on social media told you to wait at least six months before going on a date. Everyone heals at a different pace, and everyone’s relationship/breakup looks different.
It could’ve ended with cheating or betrayal, and you feel over the situation in month two. Or maybe you checked out of the relationship earlier than you verbalized that.
It could be a situation where you’re struggling to move on after a year, but you feel pressured to date again.
Pay attention to what your heart and emotions are telling you instead of trying to fit your life into a generic timeline.
don’t try to prove you’re moved on through dating.
Guilt can be heightened if you know you’re not ready to date again, but you push yourself to find a rebound or get back out there early.
You might feel guilty for leading someone on, or you might even feel a guilt that comes with feeling unfulfilled.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with rebounding or spinning the block with past people after a breakup, but only if you’re honest about your intentions.
If you’re doing it to prove you’ve moved on/doing better than your ex, you might burn out or feel worse after. Try to minimize that guilt by being honest with yourself and with others!
One last note I want to end on is that you aren’t doing anything wrong by dating again after heartbreak. You’re doing a brave thing, even if it feels a little shitty.
You can feel guilty about moving on without doing anything wrong at all. You can’t control what emotions will arise when you decide to get back out there, and dating is a part of the healing process.
