gentle coping strategies for when you feel insecure

Sep 25

Unfortunately, insecurities affect us all. They’re annoying. They’re strong. They’re liars. They’re destroying.

I’ve dealt with plenty of insecurities in my life, and somehow they end up evolving and changing as I get older and grow. Once I think I’ve moved on and dealt with an insecurity, others seem to pop up.

To combat my insecurities and the pain they’ve caused, I rely on gentle coping strategies to help me navigate and deal with some of my insecurities.

Insecurities can come in many different forms, and I want you to be able to recognize and call them out when they pop up. Let’s start by identifying some common types of insecurities.

Examples of insecurities

Physical insecurities: You can be insecure about your appearance and certain physical attributes.

I often find myself complaining about my body, wishing my hair would cooperate or look differently, being frustrated at my skin and acne problems, etc.

Personality insecurities: If there are certain things about who you are and how you act that you’re not fond of, you may have personality insecurities.

I sometimes struggle with how I interact with others and stress about if I’m not funny enough or likeable. It can be very draining, especially in the younger, developmental years.

Professional insecurities: You may also find yourself being insecure about your professional goals and what you have achieved so far in your career.

I often find myself feeling bad about not having achieved all that I’ve wanted at my age and unfortunately, find myself comparing my path to others.

Now that you have some examples of insecurities, let’s dive deeper. There’s countless ways for how to stop being insecure and how to deal with insecurities, but let’s focus on some small, gentle strategies for limiting insecurities’ affect on you.

Gentle ways to deal with insecurities

Recenter back to you: Oftentimes, my insecurities come from what I lack and what others have. I will often question why I am so jealous and insecure.

Overcoming insecurity isn’t easy, but recentering the insecurity back to you is a gentle reminder for when you feel it harming you.

For example, a physical insecurity I have is that I’m not as pretty as other girls that my man sees on social media.

Instead of focusing on comparing myself to girls on the internet, I’m trying to nudge myself to remember that my man thinks I’m beautiful in real life, and I can’t control the endless posts that he could see from beautiful girls.

Be kinder to yourself when you notice thoughts pop up: There’s constant negativity and judgement and always something to criticize and dislike in this world and about yourself. Try to combat that, and be the one who has the nicest thing to say about yourself.

You have to let the negative thoughts go. You have to be open to making mistakes. You have to take deep breaths and center your being to remind yourself to release the negative energy and harsh thoughts.

When you feel insecurities start to pop up, remind yourself to be kind and not go down a rabbit hole of listing other insecurities or building on top of the one you have.

Surround yourself with positive influences: Who you surround yourself with, the friends you have, the relationships you keep, the family dynamic, it’s all important.

Don’t put yourself in settings where people are putting you down, feel jealous of you and show it, point out your flaws or insecurities or just don’t have your best interest at heart.

Slowly work on self acceptance: We all have flaws. We all have insecurities. There’s no escaping them. You really have to embrace them if you want to be a more confident person.

You have to work on self acceptance by appreciating what you don’t like. Even if it’s fake at first, try to change your thoughts around certain parts of you that you don’t like.

Tips for when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship

My insecurities make me want to crash out all the time, and unfortunately, I can tend to get very insecure while dating and during a relationship.

This often leads me to feel like messing up a situation with someone that’s going well if I feel doubts or don’t feel like someone likes me enough.

Or I’ll tend to overthink and talk myself into seeing red flags that aren’t there, doubting their words and actions, and dismissing their efforts.

Self sabotaging while dating is when you let fears, past trauma, insecurities, etc. prevent you from being vulnerable and accepting the good things and fresh experiences that could come out of a relationship with someone.

Insecurities can be a bitch. Don’t let them ruin your love life or any good things going for you. If you’re noticing that they are, try to acknowledge them and deal with them accordingly.

Sometimes your inner thoughts protect you against bad things happening, but other times they create problems and cause bad things to happen.

If this person you’re dating is someone you see a future with, be open and honest about your feelings. Whether you feel the need to self sabotage because of trauma, insecurities or something else, explain that so that you’re on the same page.

It helps your partner understand your tendencies or habits that may come across as disinterest or distancing yourself. Instead of chalking it up to you not liking them, your partner may have more patience and compassion when you are self sabotaging.

Journal prompts for insecurities

Journal prompts can help you deal with insecurities. Be vulnerable with yourself and embrace every part of you to confront and challenge your least favorite parts about yourself.

When do you feel most insecure?
Is there a belief you keep repeating about yourself that might not actually be true?
What part of me feels “too much” or “not enough?” And what can I do to love her anyway?
What part of myself am I still learning to hold with kindness instead of shame?
What’s an unkind thought about yourself you’ve been repeating without even realizing it?

If I didn’t need anyone’s approval, what choices would I make without hesitation?
When do you feel safest within yourself?
What keeps me from letting people see the real me?
What am I over-performing, over-giving, or overthinking just to feel okay?
If you stopped doubting yourself, how would your day feel different?

Quotes to help with insecurities and to stop comparing yourself to others

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

— Steven Furtick

“Other people’s lives seem better than yours because you’re comparing their director’s cuts with your behind the scenes.”

— Evan Rauch

“Faithless to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.”

— Johann von Goethe

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.”

― Judy Garland

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”

— Coco Chanel

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