handling people with secret animosity towards you
Some people are genuinely insane.
Like I’m not sure what gives some people the audacity, the delusion, the insanity to act the way they do. I don’t know if it’s the way they were raised or if they were always clueless about their behavior. Either way, it makes no sense to me.
There are also times when people have random animosity toward you, or secretly hate you, for no reason at all. There are times when people will talk shit about you over little things.
And unfortunately, you can’t control other people’s actions or negativity towards you. You can’t control how people feel toward you and why.
But what you can control is how you respond and how you internally deal with others’ hate. You can decide to hold your head high and move gracefully, while still refusing to allow disrespect.
There’s going to be people who are praying on your downfall, as sucky and disgusting as that is. Chances are you may even know the people who are wishing you’d fail. They may be someone you see as a frenemy, a jealous friend, an ex, a coworker, etc.
Sometimes people who are envious of you will be in your face, either being passive aggressive or fake nice. They tolerate you, and it seems like you have a cordial relationship. But when things aren’t going your way, they’re filled with glee.
They’re looking for moments to bring you down or take digs at you when you’re not doing well. It may feel like you’re always on edge around them, and can’t fully be yourself. It feels like you’re constantly questioning if they’re just a brutally honest person, or secretly hate you.
shut down the digs & disses.
When faced with this type of person, shut down the digs and disses. If someone’s making a rude remark about you, acknowledge it and call them out on it.
For example, if you’re going out with your friend and they make a comment about your outfit looking weird while you’re already out, ask them why they’re telling you now when you’re out and in a good mood, instead of before you left.
Or why didn’t they say something about your outfit that you can actually fix in the moment?
There’s a difference between trying to be helpful/giving productive criticism and trying to put someone down and make them feel insecure.
In another example, if someone is constantly bringing up you or something you did (without actually naming you, but everyone knows it’s you) in a group chat or similar setting, straight up ask them who they’re talking about.
It’s possible to be confrontational without being bitchy or rude. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to stand up to people who are making digs and disses at you, and I won’t pretend like I’m perfect at it. But I do think it strengthens your self esteem and self respect.
mute, ignore, unfollow.
Two of my favorite features on Instagram are the mute and block button.
If someone is disturbing my peace or being disrespectful or inappropriate with me, BLOCK.
If someone I don’t like or care for just exists, MUTE.
I don’t need to see every update, post, story, etc. on social media, especially from people that have shown me weirdness or hate. It only pushes you further into this parasocial world driven by secret animosity.
It’s not healthy to constantly see and interact with people you know you have silent beef or a bad relationship with. And we’ve just never in history had this much access to as many people as we do.
I also understand there may be certain dynamics where you can’t fully cut someone off.
For example:
A family member you don’t want to add fuel to the fire with
Someone you don’t like within a larger group chat
A coworker you have to interact with sometimes
etc.!
But there are options where you can limit how much of their content you see.
If someone is constantly subtweeting and taking digs at you on their social media, think about how powerful it is to not even view it. You get to keep your peace, and drive them crazy knowing that you didn’t even look or acknowledge their weirdness.
don’t overshare about your life.
It’s unfortunate, but sometimes you really have to limit the personal information you share with people.
Some people have bad intentions, and will use what you shared to purposefully gossip, put you down or act in other malicious ways.
We’ve all heard stories about celebrities giving false info to their “friends,” or people in their team, to see who will leak it.
Treat yourself like you’re famous around those people you think have secret animosity towards you. Keep your life private and give short updates.
It’s not ideal to be so close to someone you don’t trust or feel like they have good intentions. But like I said previously, there are instances when you can’t avoid being around them.
Distancing yourself and becoming less open and public about your life isn’t always a bad thing. There are times when you have to prioritize yourself and what you deserve.
You have to keep in mind that your peace is important, and no one wants to be buddy-buddy with people who secretly hate them.
address the issue.
At the end of the day, we’re grown. We can address situations, have disagreements and come to a conclusion.
We can talk about our issues and decide not to move forward as friends. We can discuss our problems and agree to put everything aside and move forward.
If you think someone you genuinely care about has a problem with you, there are times I think you should speak up and bring it up to them, especially if you value the relationship and want it to continue.
I’m not the best at communicating problems and moving forward with people, but I’m working on it! I think communication is so important, especially in this digital age where everyone is so chronically online.
Addressing an issue or bringing up a tough conversation will push things along. I can’t tell you if the relationship you have with this person will end or grow stronger. I can’t tell you if the problems will be resolved, or if new ones will pop up.
But what I can tell you is that you’ll have more clarity on their actions and negative feelings toward you, if they decide to be honest. I can tell you that you’ll feel less confused and more confident in how you should move with this person going forward.
