high standards vs unrealistic expectations
High standards have a bad rap. There’s so many instances where you have to stand up for yourself, move on from what you thought was in your future, decline something you deserve more from, etc.
There’s nothing wrong with being clear about what you deserve and living a life that compliments that. And I’m not just talking about dating. Beyond relationships, you should have high standards with your career, friendships, hobbies and life in general.
If you’re wondering if your standards are too high, chances are they’re not. Chances are you’re psyching yourself out, and you may even be worried because you haven’t gotten the desired results you wanted out of your life yet.
And the key word is yet. With having high standards, things may come to you a little slower, but the right thing will be worth it, and it’ll feel better knowing what it took to get what you wanted.
But there is a difference between having high standards and unrealistic expectations.
what unrealistic expectations look like
Unrealistic expectations can look like wanting to purchase a designer bag that may fit your style, but you can’t afford yet.
They also look like wanting to make friends in a new city, but not ever leaving your apartment or having conversations when out.
Unrealistic expectations in relationships can look like expecting a healthy partnership without thinking you have to communicate and set boundaries.
If you relate to these signs that your expectations are unrealistic, it’s not meant to make you lower your standards or diminish your light! All of these examples don’t have to do with adjusting your self worth or lowering what you deserve.
They’re more about checking in with yourself and holding yourself accountable with your life. They’re about analyzing what’s reasonable and attainable for you, so that you can continue to have high standards.
And just because certain things are unrealistic for some people, that doesn’t mean they’re unattainable for you. It’s all about deciding what qualities, requirements, possessions, etc. are going to drive you insane if you don’t have them, and how realistic having them is for your life.
It’s not fair to compare the life a millionaire has with your own lifestyle. It’s not fair to see what everyone has, and what everyone is doing, on social media and expect your life to be the same as influencers and other people who only display the good things.
Social media is filled with people who live a different lifestyle trying to tell you what your standards should be when dating, in the workplace, among friends, within hobbies, the amount of travel, what apartment you should have, how much you should go out, etc.
Who cares? Their life is not your life. Their standards (or your friends, family, coworkers, etc.) are not your standards. Be assured enough in yourself to define your own standards and expectations in life.
what high standards should feel like
Healthy, high standards are ones that elevate you and push you to achieve better. They require you to display (and actively work on!) your self worth.
High standards should make you feel confident and sexy as a woman. They should make you feel like you’re doing everything in your highest power, and what you can realistically push the boundaries for, to make your dream life.
It can look like knowing you deserve better at your job, and advocating for a raise or promotion. And if you’re not getting that acknowledgement of how great an employee you are, then explore and apply to other jobs.
Unrealistic standards may look like immediately quitting when you don’t feel satisfied at your job, while not having anything else lined up or enough savings to accommodate your necessities.
Having high standards looks like wanting more out of your career when you don’t feel satisfied at your job, while applying and not getting too discouraged in the process.
Now let’s talk about dating, since the high standards vs unrealistic standards debate is so controversial in this space!
You should always, always, always have high standards with the guys (or girls) you have in your space. Don’t let someone in who disrespects you, cheats on you, lies to you, never takes you out, doesn’t compliment you or does the bare minimum keep you. And these are just the lowest standards!
The rest of the qualities, characteristics and requirements you have in your standards are completely up to you! But remember that having high standards (which you should) goes beyond what I listed above.
And when people talk about unrealistic standards in dating that have to do with appearance or personality, I roll my eyes. Attraction is so important when dating (I mean do you want to date someone who doesn’t think you’re stunning?)
So if you prefer a taller guy, or one with a certain sense of style, or someone who makes you laugh every time you see them, I don’t think that’s asking for too much. If those standards are important to you, you shouldn’t lower them because then you’ll end up in a situation where you’re not fully into them.
