how to deal with someone ghosting you
I hate being ghosted. It’s such a shitty thing to do to someone, especially someone you’ve talked to for a while, talked on the phone with, met in person, or went on dates with.
Why are some people sooo bad at communicating? If you’re not interested in me, say that. If you’re going through a tough time or not emotionally available, say that. If you like someone else or want to get back with your ex, just say that.
Ghosting is so cruel because you’re rejecting someone without an explanation and leaving them anxious about when or if you’ll respond.
It leaves people wondering what they said or did wrong, when it’s more likely than not the ghoster with all the problems.
“But if your boyfriend, out of nowhere and with no advance warning whatsoever, dumps you for no apparent reason, is it really about you? Or is it all him?”
― Susane Colasanti
more reading: how to stop fantasizing about a future with him
why do people ghost?
Ghosters are often selfish or scared because they don’t want to deal with confrontation.
They disappear and avoid a proper breakup, a heavy conversation or simply telling you they’re not interested. They don’t want to deal with the guilt or shame they feel turning you down.
But going ghost isn’t mature or an emotionally secure move. Maybe the ghoster was hurt or ghosted in their past so they think it’s okay. Maybe they just don’t care at all about your emotions.
Who knows what they’re thinking? All I know is they weren’t thinking about you or your feelings.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.”
― Tupac Shakur
should you reach out to someone who ghosted?
You should absolutely not text or call someone who ghosted you.
I know what it’s like to want closure or an explanation, or maybe to even tell them off about how awful their actions were. I’ve been there. So I know how hard it is to refrain from reaching out.
“Silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech.”
― Susan Sontag
But you have to think about what you want out of the situation? What’s the best scenario going forward? What do you want them to say? Chances are their response (and I doubt they even give one) won’t be what you’re hoping for.
They may ignore you, leaving you feeling bad that you reached out in the first place. They could say they’re not interested, which can hurt more than the first rejection.
On the slim chance they are welcoming to you reaching out or want to make amends, would it feel good knowing that they originally ghosted in the first place and are only responding now because you initiated it? (harsh I know!)
related content: ghosting quotes to deal with silent rejection
how to move on from being ghosted
To move on after being ghosted, accept this person went ghost, let go of the hope and fantasies of them, and appreciate that the trash took itself out.
The first step to moving on when you’ve been ghosted is to accept that they went ghost. They didn’t think you were owed an explanation, and that’s one of the most hurtful parts of it all.
“Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained.”
― Jonathan Harnisch
It’s so easy to be delusional and live in the “what if” or hope stage. It’s easy to make excuses, thinking they’re busy, going through a hard time, or something even worse.
But that’s not your place to assume the worst. If one of those things happened, they should communicate that with you. It’s easy to tell someone you’re going to be busy, or not as responsive because of something going on in life.
And I will be fair (because I’m not the best texter), I know that forgetting to respond to texts happens. You’ll think you responded to something that you didn’t, or all your messages will bury the ones that you were meaning to get to.
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If that’s genuinely the case, they owe you a huge apology, not just circling back to say hey or ask when you’re free. I also want you to know that you don’t have to accept their apology and immediately want to be open to talking again.
“It's ok to forgive people silently and then just never speak to them again. They know what they did.”
― Mr. Joshua Shaw
I can’t imagine accidentally not texting someone I’m really interested in talking to, especially if it’s a romantic situation or a guy I like. Who forgets to text back someone they really like? (and for days or more!)
It’s not making sense because it really doesn’t make sense.
Once you’ve accepted that you’ve been ghosted, decenter them in your thoughts and routine. It’s not fair to yourself to keep having a crush, or such a high standard of them, in your head.
more reading: why friendship rejection can hurt more than dating rejection
They were rude and disrespectful to you by ghosting you, and you have to remember that when your mind keeps going back to the good moments and hope that they will reach back out again.
Decenter this person by limiting their presence on your phone and in your mind. While the curiosity of keeping up with them on social media brings temporary satisfaction, it can lead to discovering unwanted information and leave you more upset.
You may wonder if they’re posting on their stories or liking other people’s pictures on social media, while they’re actively ghosting you.
If it will bring you closure, by all means check! But if it will leave you more hurt about the fact that they’re ignoring you, don’t bring that extra pain onto yourself.
related content: how to decenter men from your life
Something else that helps is reframing what happened in your mind. One of my favorite sayings is that the trash took itself out. Because it did!
Instead of having to deal with heartbreak, disappointment and disrespect down the line, God removed this person from your life immediately. You avoided so much pain and suffering that you don’t even know about.
“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.”
― Oprah Winfrey
Why chase after something that was removed from your life on purpose? Why chase a person that decided to leave on their own? Why drag gross trash back in the house after it was already left on the side of the road?
