why friendship rejection can hurt more than dating rejection
Friendships fall apart sometimes, and they can fizzle out quicker than you wanted them to. People can show unwillingness to establish a new friendship with you, and they can betray you in your time of need.
Friendship rejection is when your attempts to start or deepen a platonic relationship is met with silence, unreciprocated feelings or withdrawal.
It can feel more intense because you show a different side of yourself to your friends. People, especially women, really express our vulnerability and raw emotions to our girlfriends.
We can share a deep level of love and affection in platonic relationships. Those feelings can be lasting and don’t just go away when a friendship ends.
When that friendship ends, or you feel rejected by someone you trusted or wanted to trust, it can also negatively impact your identity and social needs.
why friendship rejection is more painful
Losing a friend, or being rejected from the potential of a friendship, can hurt more than a romantic rejection because there is less of a formal closure or “breakup,” you’ve often established a deeper connection that’s lasted years and it takes aim at personality insecurities versus attraction.
It hurts to know someone you thought of as a friend doesn’t want to have a relationship with you anymore, or doesn’t see you as close or as important as you see them.
But it shouldn’t define how you view yourself, in the same way romantic rejection shouldn’t define your worth.
When you break up with an ex or end things with a situationship, it can feel like a huge deal. And breakups are a huge deal, especially when you’ve invested so much time, energy and feelings into a person.
Those feelings don’t just disappear, especially if you were the one rejected or broken up with. It takes time for you to process and heal from the pain that comes with rejection. That time is important to really move on and come out on the other side emotionally stronger.
That time and healing period may be equally as important when you feel pain from losing a friendship or the potential of one.
We don’t put as much emphasis on it, but it really does hurt to lose someone you cared about, regardless of if there was attraction or not.
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lack of closure
Something that makes friendship breakups harder is the lack of closure.
If you don’t have an official conversation with a friend about the end of your relationship, there can be confusion and resentment about where things left off.
It’s always good to have a convo about a friendship ending, but realistically how many times have you actually had an amicable talk when you weren’t friends with someone anymore?
Most of the time, there will be a falling out that’s never resolved, slow ghosting that turns into never talking again, awkward realization you’re the only one reaching out or gossip that gets back to you that this person doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.
All of those options are unfair to you, if you’re genuinely trying and want a friendship with this person. But it does happen a lot in life, which is why friendship rejection without closure can be so painful.
years worth of connection
Some friendships have lasted years, or even decades. Having a friend suddenly reject you after all that time will, of course, hurt more than a romantic relationship.
We’re also more socially allowed to cry our eyes out and take months to heal from someone we’re in a relationship with.
But why aren’t we given the same grace to heal from a friendship? Why don’t we see more processing from friend breakups in the movies and online?
Maybe it’s because people expect you to have a deeper connection with someone you’re attracted to and have slept with, which is a valid point.
But at the same time, it makes sense to have a stronger connection with someone you’ve spent years loving in a platonic relationship.
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trying to establish friends
Then there’s the initial rejection from trying to make new friends. It sucks when you meet someone, and you’re excited at the potential to make a new buddy, but that feeling isn’t reciprocated.
It’s an awful feeling when you’re not met with the same energy or excitement. It’s not fun when they reject your invite to hang out, or never want to reschedule or plan something themselves.
Something you should remember is that it doesn’t make you lame, socially incapable or a bad friend.
People are busy and may forget to respond. Some people may already have the number of friends they can handle and not enough emotional capacity to give to you at that time in their lives. And people may feel socially awkward and not know how to make friends as easily as you think.
These are all some of the very valid scenarios that could make you feel rejected when trying to make new friends, but that doesn’t mean the rejection hurts any less.
additional content: dealing with friends who constantly compare themselves to you
