realizing you're the friend who always reaches out
I’m the type of person who really values friendship, and my friends mean the world to me. My love language is quality time, so I love spending time and talking with my people.
But when it starts to feel like I’m the only one reaching out to hang out or catch up, I start to question my place in my friends’ lives and if I’m being annoying or “too much.”
It may be because I’m really bad at rejection, or maybe I’m just extra sensitive. But also who wants to feel like their friends don’t want to hang out with them? It’s unsettling and takes me back to middle or high school.
I want to feel like the people I want to spend time with equally want to spend time with me. I want to feel valued and wanted in a space.
But sometimes you’ll end up in friendships where that’s not always the case, so I want to help you deal with that awful feeling and respond accordingly.
Let us know in the comments if you’ve experienced any of these and how you dealt with it!
dealing with friends who don’t text or call you
I’m not the best texter, but I do make an effort to match people’s energy and be as attentive as I can be with my friends and loved ones. I also recognize that everyone is busy and has varying things going on in their lives.
Because of everyone’s busy lives, it does take a lot for me to notice when my friend’s energy is off (in my current late twenties! I used to be more attentive.)
So when I do notice my friends never text or call me, and that I’m always the one to hit them up when I’m bored or thinking about them, it hits harder.
It’s a natural feeling to be hurt by always being the one to reach out, but try not to go off on them for not matching your energy. Try to have grace, especially if you know they’re going through a hard time.
If it's always been y’all’s dynamic where you solely reach out to them, don’t be afraid to spark a conversation about it. Ask them if they’re just a bad texter/not good with their phones.
It doesn’t have to be a scary, massive conversation. You could joke about it, or bring it up lightly, if you don’t want to make it a big deal.
But also recognize you have the right to make it as big of a deal as it warrants to you. As long as you’re being respectful, it’s fine to ask for a sit down convo about it or take it seriously when you bring it up.
the friend who never texts first but always replies
There’s also the friend who never texts you, but always replies.
It’s nice to always get a response and never having to worry about being ignored, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hurtful to be the one to initiate every conversation or hang out.
I don’t know about you, but I want to have a friendship where someone hits me up randomly to tell me something funny, spill some tea, tell me something that reminded them of me, etc.
That’s what makes friendships so fun, having someone to talk to about anything at any time.
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When you’re constantly sparking the conversation, it can start to feel like you’d never have a conversation if you didn’t text first.
You start questioning how long it would take without you reaching out for them to notice and start to miss you.
Friendships shouldn’t be a game, and it shouldn’t feel like a code you have to crack. You shouldn’t have to play the role of always the one reaching out, and you should evaluate if this person is someone worth continuing a friendship with.
If it’s not exhausting you or making you feel bad, then that’s one thing. But listen to how you’re feeling, try to discuss it and be prepared to distance yourself if it’s negatively impacting you.
when to stop reaching out to a friend
There are times when you don’t need to continue maintaining a relationship with a friend, such as if they are ignoring you when you reach out or if they only have short, nonchalant responses and never seem interested in your life.
If a boy did that, you’d most likely think he didn’t like you.
Friendships and relationships often have the same foundations, and you should keep that in mind as you navigate whether someone belongs in your life.
It doesn’t feel good to be the only one keeping in touch because you start to feel annoying, and like a fan of theirs instead of their friend.
I wouldn’t say I’ve ever outright ended a friendship because I felt it was one-sided (in the sense of having a proper conversation about it.)
But I have, on several occasions, slowly stopped reaching out or initiating plans, to match their energy.
Sometimes you’ll end up mutually slow ghosting friends. If both of you don’t have bad feelings about that or each other, I think it’s more than fine to let a friendship end naturally.
