how to express your feelings when you’re scared
I hate talking about my feelings so bad. It’s embarrassing. I choke up. I forget what I want to say. And it just isn’t fun.
But avoiding talking about what’s bothering me and how I feel in a situation isn’t okay either. So I force myself to say how I really feel sometimes. I make myself have the uncomfortable conversations because it’s important to express your feelings, even when it’s scary.
If you’re intimidated to tell someone how you’re feeling, I want you to write down and practice what you want to say with your delivery, remember to breathe during the conversation, make as much eye contact as you can handle and don't overthink.
Remember the reasons why you wanted to have this conversation, and remember how important it is for you to stand up for yourself and express your feelings, whether you’re hurt, feel disrespected, want to start or end a relationship, etc.
practice makes perfect
My notes app is my best friend when I need to have a hard conversation. I constantly write down my feelings about a situation with a boy, problems with my friends or how I want to speak up for myself at work.
I like to type it all out and rant to my phone because sometimes you just need to get it out of your head.
And when it’s necessary for me to tell someone my emotions or wants and needs, it makes it so much easier because I have a script of what I want to say on the phone, a text prepared for what I plan on sending, or a draft of what I want to say to someone in person that I can practice beforehand.
make eye contact and fake confidence
Fake it til you make it! Imagine you’re cool and confident, and you are 100% in the right about everything you’re saying. Make and hold eye contact as much as you can handle and won’t get overwhelmed with.
If it’s making you more worried and nervous about expressing your feelings, break away or focus on their nose or some other part of their face.
Something I like to do to make me more confident and fired up is to make myself angry by going through and remembering every way this person did me dirty or how I’m being screwed over in a situation. Anger causes action for me and takes away some of the fear.
breathe and relax
Take deep breaths! I’ll often start speaking way too fast, or my thoughts will race a million miles an hour.
It’s important to try to relax as much as possible, especially if you know you’re nervous already.
Another trick is to bring some water to the meeting because it can help distract you physically and mentally from the urge to cry, and it can help you if you get choked up or have a lump in your throat while trying to get your feelings across.
practice assertiveness
One way to get better at expressing your emotions and stand up for yourself is to practice assertiveness.
What may start as finding little ways to vocally stick up for yourself and say how you’re feeling may lead to you testing your limits and becoming more assertive over time.
And I’m not saying be a bitch or be mean to people! If there’s anything I promote, it’s kindness. But with that, I know that that kindness can be abused.
Don’t let anyone walk all over you. No matter how scary speaking up to people about what you’re upset about or what you’re wanting in life, don’t let fear keep you hidden and stop you from expressing yourself.
