why you don't have to be fixed in order to be loved
We need to let go of the thought that we have to be “fixed” or “perfect” to be loved.
I’m a victim of thinking that there is something wrong with me, or I’m not good enough to be with someone who can truly love me for all my flaws. Sometimes I feel like I have to fix certain parts of me, both personality-wise and physically, to be seen in that light.
In reality, if a person is the right person for you, you shouldn’t need to change your whole being for them. They should love you for who you are and understand they’re not perfect either or above you in any way.
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
― Sam Keen
It’s okay to work on yourself.
We all have things that we want to improve about ourselves. And that’s more than okay. I have flaws just like anyone else because I’m human. No one’s perfect, and no one should make you feel like they’re so much better than you.
A relationship is a great way for both partners to grow together. Your person should be encouraging and uplifting. I love a man who loves all my flaws. And if I don’t like certain things about myself, they inspire and encourage me to get to a place where I’m happy with that flaw.
“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”
— Ram Dass
additional content: how to cope with feeling unlovable
It’s problematic for someone to make you feel like you need to be fixed.
If someone has put it in your head that you aren’t worthy of their love or that you need to change core values about yourself in order to deserve their love, please don’t listen to them. It’s almost manipulative and problematic because it feels as though they are trying to control or change you.
“You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”
— Ram Dass
When there’s a deeper problem that is within yourself of feeling unlovable, it’s important to remember not to project those insecurities and do some self reflection and inner work within yourself to combat those feelings.
If you’re feeling unlovable, you can cope with those feelings by finding hobbies and activities to spend meaningful time with yourself, practicing self confidence through self affirmations and doing things that make you feel your best, and constantly reminding yourself of those in your life who love you.
“I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life.”
— Kerry Washington
additional content: self love quotes
Try to find moments where you truly do feel loved and hang on to them, whether it’s with your friends, family, pet, etc. These types of love can be different from romantic love, but in those really lonely and unbearable moments, I lean on them knowing that there’s at least one person who appreciates and loves my presence just the way I am.
You deserve to feel loved. If no one has told you recently, let me remind you that you are more than worthy of it. If you’ve had people say they didn’t want you, love you, respect you, etc., ignore them. It’s not a reflection of you. It’s always a reflection of them.
“You don't have to earn or deserve love. You are love. Loving is never about how others treat you. It is always about how you are treating yourself.”
— Rhonda Britten
Remember this:
You are not for everyone, and that’s okay -- the right people will see you for who you truly are.
You don’t need to change a single thing about yourself to be beautiful.
Let go of old thoughts that tell you that you are unworthy.
Love is not something you have to earn -- you are already enough.
The right people will see your light and never ask you to dim it.
“You may not be perfect when measuring yourself by unattainable standards. But you are always perfectly lovable. Let go of this ideal of perfect. Accept yourself as you are. Allow yourself to love yourself as you are.”
― Akiroq Brost
additional content: how to deal with being lonely
