letting negative thoughts go.
Rumination is so rough. Thinking and then overthinking and then thinking about how much you’re overthinking. It’s a vicious cycle. And it sucks when the thoughts you have are negative ones about yourself. The staying up late begging your mind to go to sleep, the trying to distract yourself from the thoughts in the middle of the day, wishing your mind would just shut off for some time.
I know the feeling all too well. Negative thoughts are difficult because it’s a cycle of telling yourself awful things, and it just gets progressively worse.
how to stop negative thoughts
Take a breath. Understand the thoughts and the feeling that comes with the thoughts. My college therapist used to give me an emotions chart to identify the certain feeling I had while I was ruminating on the negative thoughts. While it’s helpful to know the emotions and your personal reaction to the constant flow of thoughts, it doesn’t always put a stop to it.
Try to replace the negative thoughts with something more positive but also realistic and natural. No, I’m not telling you to“just think positive.” And it’s way easier said than done. It can definitely be hard to learn how to get rid of negative thoughts, but remember to identify them one at a time and call them out.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” — Willie Nelson
Picture this: you’re telling yourself how unattractive you feel, how you can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship with you, how you may be alone forever and not start a family, and overanalyzing all the relationships in your life.
Now take each of those and try to think more realistically about each thought.
Remind yourself of all the times you’ve felt beautiful, the times people have tried to pursue you, how much time there is in life to figure out love and marriage regardless of how old you are, the times people have enjoyed your company or appreciated you in their lives.
When you notice yourself having negative thoughts, do you know when it starts? Recognizing the first or first few thoughts can be helpful in attempting to stop it in its place. It may not always work and it definitely takes practice, but it’s a powerful skill to learn how to limit the thoughts when they first arise.
“The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world.” — Iben Dissing Sandahl
The toughest part for me is subconsciously thinking about the negative thoughts while I’m trying to forget about them at the same time. What helps is distraction to be honest. That might look like turning on a movie or calling a friend or going outside and taking a walk.
But what about when it’s nighttime and negative thoughts are the thing keeping you from falling asleep. You can use a distraction tool, but it's not always effective when the goal is sleep.
This is probably the one I struggle with the most, but it does sometimes help me to play pretend or daydream (ornightdream!). Think about fun plans you have coming up or an ideal situation coming out of a problem you may be going through.
“The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.” -- Sharon Salzberg
Keep these negative thoughts quotes in your mind as well. If all else fails, think of a quote or two you can go back to in those low moments with your thoughts. Give yourself a meaningful distraction.
stop negative self talk and silence the inner critic
I feel like we all talk negatively to ourselves at some point. Sometimes I get so mean and call myself dumb, stupid, and all kinds of mean and unfair names.
What makes it worse is that I’ll obsess over stopping it so much that I get into a cycle of attempting to avoid those thoughts, which can lead to me being even more critical of myself and blaming my mind for still thinking about certain things or people.
Dr. Lisa W. Coyne, a licensed clinical psychologist, referred to “experiential avoidance” as the phenomenon in which we focus solely on removing negative self talk and the critical voice in our heads.
“My mind may say something like, ‘Better not speak up in that meeting; people will think you are stupid, and that would be embarrassing.’ I might experience a physical reaction (my heart rate might increase) or an emotional reaction (I’ll feel nervous),” Coyne wrote for McLean Hospital.
She continued, “And, of course, I’d have a cognitive reaction (Should I not speak up? What’s the right thing to say so I don’t look stupid?). This is important because we also treat unpleasant or unwanted thoughts -- even though they are just thoughts -- as actual truths that we must avoid, or fix, or suppress, or change.”
Try to spark a balance of self realization that the thoughts are present with distraction to let the thoughts pass on naturally but timely.
Challenging negative thoughts
As I mentioned before, it’s important to start challenging negative thoughts. Don’t let them live rent free in your head. That’s not fair to you.
Take each of your thoughts and try to think more realistically about each one.
negative thoughts examples
I feel ugly, why am I not pretty?
All my friends are mad at me and hate me.
No one will ever want to be in a relationship with me, and I’ll be lonely forever.
I can’t imagine my life getting any better than this.
I suck at my job and have no idea what else I would want to do.
Now that you have a visual list of negative thoughts that pop up in my head. Join me in challenging negative thoughts that pop up in your head one at a time. If you have to write them out and write examples of why each one is wrong, do that!
“It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.” -- Louise Hay
You may not be able to stop negative thoughts from entering your mind, but you can do something about them when they arise.
