tips to overcome perfectionism and take back your life
Perfectionism is always my go-to answer when I’m asked during interviews what my greatest weakness is.
It’s such a hard trait to shake because I want to come across as a superwoman, and a girl who can handle everything while looking amazing.
I don’t know if social media, previous comparison in school, rejection or pressure growing up contributed to my perfectionism. But I do know that it’s a pain to deal with, even if it masks as something that makes you productive or high-achieving.
Perfectionism can also contribute to procrastination because you feel so much anxiety and pressure to do everything right that you stall starting in the first place, out of the fear of inadequacy at the task.
I’ve definitely suffered with both, but most people chalk it up to being lazy but high-achieving. We all know the gifted to unmotivated pipeline right?
related content: quotes about perfectionism to change your mindset
embrace the start, unfinished and imperfect
This might be hard to hear, but you don’t have to finish everything you start. But you should allow yourself to start things without pressure to end with a great result.
When I say you don’t have to finish everything, that can look like a new hobby, side project, recipe, workout class, etc. You can start plenty of things out of sheer excitement without feeling the need to excel immediately at it.
Let yourself enjoy the process of getting accustomed to something. It’s nice to find out you’re instantly great at something. But think about all the times you grew to be good at something, or started to really like something that you weren’t the best at in the beginning.
For example, I’m not the best cook. I actually really, really don’t like cooking. So I’ve spent most of my life heavily avoiding it. Whether that’s growing up with my parents cooking, meal plans in college and eating out almost on a daily basis for years post-grad.
But I made it my mission this year (or at least the first couple months into my new year’s resolution) to try a new recipe every week. It took the pressure off me to make the best dish possible or to not waste ingredients because I was trying something new so frequently.
If I didn’t like something I made, I wouldn’t make it again, or I would know what to do differently to make it taste better. But I never blamed myself, or made myself feel bad, for learning to cook because I was trying something that took me years and years to start.
I think that’s the mindset us, perfectionists, need to have when doing tasks. We should start without the pressure to be perfect at it.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try starting with something that you know you won’t be good at at first. Try beginning a project, or something you’ve always wanted to do, knowing that you won’t be perfect at it, and embracing that.
related content: journal prompts to release perfectionism
release others’ expectations of you
People can feel pressure from all areas in their life: their parents, boss, children, pastor, friends, etc.
Self-oriented perfectionism (focused on unrealistic expectations for yourself), other-oriented perfectionism (unrealistic expectations for others), and socially-prescribed perfectionism (believing others have unrealistic expectations for you) are all forms of perfectionism you can experience, according to Harvard University’s Division of Continuing Education.
The last one is focused on the belief that “others are holding you to perfect standards, and that others will be critical of you when you don’t meet those expectations.”
It’s not fair to yourself to allow people to have such a control over your emotional state and level of anxiety about meeting their standards.
I know it’s easier said than done. I grew up in a pretty strict household with expectations about my grades and behavior, and I know that people have similar or much harsher expectations placed on them.
Remember you are the only person that you have to answer to at the end of the day. They’re all kinds of punishment (physical, career-wise, socially, etc.) that can motivate you to meet others’ expectations.
But I don’t want you to ruminate over it, or harm your mental state, because the potential punishment is so heavy in your mind, especially if it won’t cause great pain to you.
If you’re in danger: call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also check out these resources:
the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: call or text “GO” to 1-800-422-4453
the National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233 or text "START" to 88788
the Crisis Text Line: text HOME or HOLA to 741741
let go of unrealistic standards
Perfectionism can be rooted in wanting to meet unrealistic expectations. But sometimes you really have to understand that unrealistic standards are unrealistic.
And this is coming from someone who really does believe she can achieve the impossible. I think I can do anything that I put my mind to. I mean I had the highest vision and hopes for this blog when I started it a couple years ago.
It may be slow growth, but I’m at a place I didn’t even realize I could get to. Reaching thousands of visitors may have been an unrealistic expectation a few years ago, but it’s becoming more of my reality at this stage of my life (and with the really hard work I put in.)
Moral of the story, expectations you have for yourself can be unrealistic. That’s a fact. But it doesn’t mean they’ll always be unrealistic. I’m not telling you to lower your dreams or minimize what you think you can accomplish, but I am saying to give yourself grace as you try to reach your goals.
You don’t want to burn out from frustration or give up altogether because you’re not achieving what you thought you would at this stage of life.
Healthy, high standards are ones that elevate you and push you to achieve better. They require you to display (and actively work on!) your self worth.
High standards should make you feel confident. They should make you feel like you’re doing everything in your highest power, and what you can realistically push the boundaries for, to make your dream life.
Evaluating the reality of your expectations is more about checking in with yourself and holding yourself accountable with your life. They’re about analyzing what’s reasonable and attainable for you, so that you can continue to have high standards.
It’s not fair to compare the life a millionaire has with your own lifestyle. It’s not fair to see what everyone has, and what everyone is doing, on social media and expect your life to be the same as influencers and other people who only display the good things.
read more about the difference between high standards vs unrealistic expectations.
