what to do on the days you don’t like yourself

Written By S

There are some days I don’t like myself. 

I’m working on it, but that’s my truth.

Everyone tells you that you need to love yourself and how important working on your issues with yourself is. 

But! I also think it’s just as important to be honest with yourself and show yourself grace on the days you don’t like yourself, don’t like where you are in life, don’t like how you look, don’t feel good about the life you’re living, etc.

To be honest with you, I’ve been in long stretches of time where I felt self hatred and had thoughts of “I hate myself” throughout the day. It’s honestly a really scary and dangerous place to be in.

And it leads to me questioning myself: Do I have low self esteem? Do I have depression and need to seek help? Will this ever go away?

 

Acknowledge the feeling

I think it’s important to recognize and acknowledge that you feel some level of personal dislike.

Once you start acknowledging your negative feelings toward yourself, you may start exploring the causes and triggers that you may experience that leads you to feel discontentment with yourself. 

“Perhaps the most liberating moment in my life was when I realized that my self-loathing was not a product of my inadequacy but, rather, a product of my thoughts.”

― Vironika Tugaleva

It's obviously not fun to come to terms that you may not like yourself. It may even be embarrassing to admit because society always tells us to love ourselves, so it may be jarring when you don’t connect with that. 

Let’s start by coming to terms with the feeling and being comfortable with the fact that there are times when you don’t like yourself. Once you understand those emotions and feelings, we can work toward making changes and improvements.

Additional content: quotes for those dealing with self hate

Incorporate forgiveness in your day 

One step I want to encourage is incorporating forgiveness in your day. I put way too much pressure on myself and often get upset when I make mistakes or cause problems. 

Why do I hate myself when I make a mistake? Mistakes are normal, and it’s also normal to have a hard time accepting and forgiving yourself for making them. 

“Accomplishments don’t erase shame, hatred, cruelty, silence, ignorance, discrimination, low self-esteem or immorality. It covers it up, with a creative version of pride and ego. Only restitution, forgiving yourself and others, compassion, repentance and living with dignity will ever erase the past.”

― Shannon L. Alder

When it comes to how to stop loathing yourself, you need to make sure you forgive yourself for the mistakes, embrace your past self because it’s a part of you and trust that you’ve outgrown your past. 

To let go of some of the dislike you have for yourself for everything you’ve gone through, I need you to start forgiving yourself for past choices and mistakes. 

Forgiveness is important because it’s not healthy to walk around with the guilt or self-hatred for things that happened in the past. Let’s let go of some of the shame you feel. 

“Self-hate takes a person only so far. Bitterness and self-loathing might spur a person towards seeking personal improvement. To live productively and happily, one must find internal peace.”

― Kilroy J. Oldster

According to Psychology Today, an aspect that keeps people from making peace with their past self and previous choices made is the shame you feel for that version of yourself — whether you feel you were flawed, not worthy of love, etc. 

Though those qualities of yourself make you human.

You are not your past self. It’s important to realize that you’ve grown from the person you once were. You made mistakes in the past, but we all have. Growth is a necessary part of self love and healing. I’m proud of how much you’ve grown recently, and you should be too.

Read more: loving yourself when you’re not proud of past choices

 

Embrace the way you look

My relationship with my body, health and fitness is personal. It’s something that can impact my self love and how I feel about myself. 

It takes a lot to love your body with all your insecurities and “problem” spots.

It’s a powerful thing to have things you don’t like about your body and still love it without always thinking you have to work on certain things.  

“If the pursuit of perfection is a way to prove our worth, in the end the pursuit will only prove our imperfections.”

― Craig D. Lounsbrough

Take photos of yourself when you’re feeling good about the way you look. And look back at them on the days you dislike yourself for the way you look.

It can remind you of the good days and when you’re feeling positive about your appearance. It can also reinforce the idea that how you’re feeling on the low days may not be how you always feel. 

Body dysmorphia is so real and normal. You can love your body and still want to change certain things about it. Don’t let other people control how you feel about it.

Working on creating a positive relationship with your body and health is self love.

Replace negative talk with kindness and affirmations

When you notice negative thoughts and self hatred talk in your head, recognize what’s being thought, when it’s coming up, and any triggers that led to it. 

I like to acknowledge the thought and attempt to put a stop to it immediately (something I learned from my first therapist in college.) 

When that works, it’s great. But there are a lot of times when that doesn’t work due to rumination and endless negative thoughts.

“The way you think about yourself determines your reality. You are not being hurt by the way people think about you. Many of those people are a reflection of how you think about yourself.”

― Shannon L. Alder

Repeating affirmations to myself can help keep negative thoughts at bay. Here are some examples from Self Love Diaries:

50 affirmations for when you’re feeling lonely

102 positive affirmations for self love

affirmations to improve your self confidence & self worth

affirmations for when you feel like giving up

 

Mental health emergency resources:

 

 

 

S
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quotes for those dealing with self hate