the full guide for dealing with heartbreak
So I got broken up with. My first relationship.
He broke up with me three days before our six month anniversary and a week before Christmas. So I hope you all are having a better holiday season than me.
If you somehow were also blindsided, abandoned and discarded through a sudden breakup, then you’re in the perfect place.
The first 24 hours after a breakup feel like hell. A boxed wine and allowing myself to crash out almost every time I feel like it have been the only things to get me through it.
I’m not even a crier, but the first couple days I cried every 10-30 minutes.
And I pleaded and begged, like a baby. I crashed out and, honestly, embarrassed myself so much. But it was all worth it for the chance, in that moment, that he would choose me and still want to be with me.
So I give him space. I give him time. I give him distance. I give him the last of my trust because I know these feelings will haunt me for the rest of my life.
But I’m guessing you guys don’t want my sad, depressed feelings about being dumped. You want to know how I’m healing and getting over it, and hear my breakup tips, right? Keep reading for all of it.
additional reading: how the hell do you process being broken up with suddenly?
quote of the week
“If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson
self love journal
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breakup tips.
Cry your heart out.
Choose what you think is best for you, whether it’s isolating and allowing yourself to feel every moment, or whether it’s being surrounded by friends and loved ones who can help you get through every moment.
Take it minute by minute until you can take it hour by hour. And maybe at some point, you can start taking it day by day.
Don’t beat yourself up for texting or calling them.
It’s inhumane to immediately be over things as soon as you’re broken up with.
It’s basically impossible. So give yourself grace, and take note of how they respond and the level of kindness they give you.
But also don’t expect to talk them into getting back together. In the back of my mind, I knew it didn’t feel good to chase.
I knew it wouldn’t be the same, even if he did agree to get back together. Eventually, and hopefully as early as possible, you will want to go no contact.
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All about no contact:
a guide on how to go no contact and tips to survive it
journal prompts to help you go no contact and heal your heart
what to expect emotionally after going no contact
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We can and will get through this moment in time. They don’t deserve your presence, so take it away.
Also, start accepting the breakup if you haven’t. It hurts so badly, trust me I know. But denial only prolongs the pain and hurt. I spent the first couple days hoping and begging things not to end, so of course I can’t start healing in that mindspace.
Focus on the little things, and create a game plan for making it through.
Brush your teeth when you can. Take a shower when you can. Drink water when you can. Don’t rush the small things, but be proud of yourself when you do them.
It’s hard to get out of bed. It’s even harder to leave the house. It’s even harder to talk to others. Be as kind to yourself as you can muster.
additional reading: unpopular opinion: why isolation is okay after a break up
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breakup affirmations
I’m the type to need reminders and constant affirmations that I’ll be fine after a breakup.
So I’m listing some affirmations I hope will help me and you during this awful, awful time after being broken up with.
He chose to walk out of my life, and I do not chase someone who chose to leave.
I deserve someone who is sure about me, not someone I have to convince.
His absence is clarity, even if it hurts.
I will not beg for love that has to be forced.
Someone who wanted me would not have walked away.
I am allowed to let go of what did not choose me back.
Why would I want someone who did not want me?
I do not lose people who are meant to stay.
art of detachment: here’s how to detach from someone quickly
I’m an obsessive bitch.
I will crash out if I’m being ignored. I will triple text and triple call you if I know you’re not answering on purpose.
If I’m dating you, I feel like I can hit you up whenever, and I enjoy that access. I love to give that access back as well. I like to keep each other updated, but I’m not clingy.
So when a relationship ends, it’s offputting to me to just give up that access to each other and not speak. We were so attached and always with each other, so detachment is difficult to switch on at the drop of a hat.
But nonetheless, it’s required in some instances to get over someone, deal with an ending friendship, process someone not being in your life anymore, etc.
Detachment requires cutting off communication, limiting fantasies and false hope, knowing your worth and incentivizing your growth.
