how to be happy for others, even when you feel jealous
There’s nothing like the internal pain of celebrating someone for something that you wanted so badly for yourself.
That could be attending someone’s wedding right after getting out of a relationship with someone who you thought would be your husband.
It could be getting rejected from a sorority that your friend was accepted into.
It might look like being happy for your friend who just got a new job although you’ve been applying for months.
There’s going to be a million times where people will be in a different phase of life than you, and you’ll have to accept that their accomplishment doesn’t diminish your value.
Not everything in life is meant for you, and it’s a very, very hard thing to come to terms with. But being an adult and a confident woman involves celebrating others, even if it makes you feel a little jealous or bad about your own situation.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being hurt about not getting a cool opportunity that someone else got, being single when your friends are in relationships, not being able to have kids when others are getting pregnant, etc.
It’s real. It’s human nature. And I think it’s bad advice to “just get over it.”
But always being jealous of other people's success isn’t healthy, and you have to find a way to appreciate your own life and the personal journey you’re on, even if it’s a little delayed.
You also shouldn’t make other people feel bad about what they have. You shouldn’t constantly bring up how unfortunate you are to make them feel guilty.
To me, the jealousy or uncomfortable feeling is something you have to deal with and come to terms with yourself. You have to mourn the thing you didn’t get, and you have to heal the parts of you that feel like you’ll never get over it.
don’t try to make your friend feel guilty.
It’s so easy to complain or vent to someone about how awful you feel about not getting an approval, a promotion, a win, etc.
But it’s kind of shitty to dump on your friend in a moment when they are celebrating a good thing.
You can feel awful without needing to make someone else feel awful to “balance out the pain” or to make you feel better in that moment.
It’s totally okay to have a conversation about your feelings or to share your misfortunes with someone that’s close to you.
But choose the right time to have a conversation. Don’t bring up how awful you feel about not receiving something positive when your friend just received something positive.
Don’t moan and groan at a celebratory event for your friend. Put on a brave face, and try your best to get through it.
There have been multiple times when I’ve had to swallow my emotions and sadness to attend a celebration for someone when I wish I was in their place. I’ve had to force myself to put on a smile in public, and hold on until I was home to cry.
Do the best you can in showing up for your loved ones. It’s selfish to make someone’s moment of celebration about you.
If you truly can’t attend something to celebrate someone else, don’t turn it into a big deal. Find a way to subtly decline if it’s in your best interest.
don’t mentally compete with others.
There have been a few times where my coworkers, who are also my friends, are applying and interviewing for the same position.
It’s very awkward and an uncomfortable position to be in. You’re curious about how well they’re doing, but you also don’t want to find out information that will shake your confidence in the interview process.
You want to do well and get the job, but you also don’t want to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad about being rejected.
You might also be a little fearful that they may resent you, or not want to be as friendly with you, if you get the job. You may even question if you would resent them or feel jealous toward them for getting the job over you.
The best advice I can give is to not compete with your friends. Try to remember that there are plenty of other candidates, so this one person isn’t your sole competition.
This example can be applied to so many different things in life other than your career. Competing with people around you just grows resentment, one-sided beef or silent anger between the two of you.
similar content: quotes to help you stop comparing yourself to others
remind yourself of your accomplishments to be grateful for.
When you’re focused on others’ success, you tend to forget everything in your own life that you should be proud of. Sometimes we’re so focused on what we lack that we dismiss everything we have.
List out recent wins that you’re grateful for. It could be as simple as buying a new couch, leaving a toxic relationship, having a normal checkup at the doctor or having a friend you can call up to go out when you’re lonely.
There’s also something so beautiful about realizing that certain things you have in your life are what you used to hope, pray and dream for.
They are maybe even things that you were upset that you didn’t have, or things that made you compare yourself to others who had them.
Isn’t it amazing that you get to experience what you used to hope and pray for instead of still wondering what it’d be like to have that job, to have that car, to be in a new city, to have new friendships, to have a better relationship, to experience whatever you hoped and prayed for?
related reading: the power of gratitude & how to be more grateful
stay away from the scarcity mindset.
We sometimes look at what someone has or is able to do in a scarcity mindset.
Just because someone accomplished something doesn’t mean you won’t be able to accomplish that same thing.
It may take months or years, but your time and opportunity is coming for what you’re meant to have.
You have to stop treating someone else’s wins as your failure. Someone else getting married, having a baby, getting a promotion, etc. doesn’t mean anything about you.
They didn’t steal the last spouse or job in the world. You will have your chance at happiness, even if it takes a little while. Try not to compare your journey with theirs.
You could even look at your friend’s win as something to inspire you. If they were able to accomplish something, that means it’s possible for you to as well.
