unpopular opinion: why isolation is okay after a break up

Breakups are very, very hard. Everything hurts, and it’s a messy time.

I want to cry every hour of every day, and it’s a challenge to get out of bed, let alone be around other people right now. 

I can’t control how someone treated me, and I can’t control the reasons for being broken up with. But I can control my response and how I move on.

And if that includes isolating myself for a little bit, that’s okay.

Don’t feel bad for how you react because everyone is different, and there’s no cookie cutter example for healing and moving on.

Sometimes it’s messy, sometimes it involves doing embarrassing things. But you will get through it. 

Not everyone can be around people after being broken up with.

So I accidentally snapped at a USPS worker, while I was trying to return my now ex’s stuff to his place. 

I was just so angry because I didn’t realize they couldn’t give you or sell you tape, or have big boxes, to help you with your packages. (sorry to her for confusing UPS and USPS.)

But I ended up going to UPS and getting it done, and everything was fine. 

But I’m just not in a place where I want to talk or be around people. I wasn’t in a place where I was ready to go out and be a normal, functioning human in society. I was in a rush to get his stuff back and was focused on that. 

So all that to say, listen to how you’re feeling, and don’t rush to be around people if you’re not that person. 

more on breakups: the first 24 hours after a breakup

Not everyone likes to talk about their feelings. Don’t force it.

I’m not the best person to talk about my feelings and be around people when I’m feeling really low. 

Some people aren’t the type to lean on their friends and family in crises, and we need to stop making people feel like that’s the only way to deal with a breakup. 

I like to sob on my own. I hateee crying in front of other people. In fact, I’ll suppress my feelings and pretend everything is okay, even if I’m not. In fact, I’ll do it more when I’m not okay.

I hate the look on someone’s face and the sound in their voice when they feel bad for you. It makes me sick, and I’d do anything to avoid it. 

Let me heal on my own. I don’t need to be checked on every day. It’ll only make things worse. And like I said, this isn’t for everyone. You have to know the type of person you are and move accordingly. 

Moving on and healing doesn’t involve one cheat sheet that’s right for everyone. 

take the time to decide how you really feel.

Another reason why I needed to isolate myself is because I can’t listen to everyone’s opinion. I can’t hear “fuck him” a million times, when I’m still so in love with him. It would have led me to defend him and make excuses. 

I had to get to a point where I hated him on my own. I had to decide how I feel without other people’s influences, especially people who would be on my side no matter what. 

I needed the time to feel every emotion possible. I needed the days to reflect and choose myself. I feel more stable than I did on the first night, first morning, first full day and second full day.

I needed to trust that I could get over it. Maybe it’s the hyperindependence in me that wants to do it on my own.

Maybe it’s the fear of embarrassment from being broken up with, especially after being so happy. Or it could be the delusion and denial of it really being over.

Whatever it was, I needed to move at a pace that felt comfortable to me. And taking the couple days to isolate was necessary for me.