what to know if he says he’s “not ready for a relationship”
It seems like my feelings are constantly getting hurt. It feels like I’m too trusting, too vulnerable, too much of a lover girl.
My ex (who I’ve been working on getting back together with) told me he still wasn’t ready to get back into a relationship, after we broke up four months ago. It seems like we take steps forward, then we take steps backwards.
And what hurts the most is he ended it, and he wanted to rekindle things after we started talking again a few weeks later. I’m the one that needed time to heal and trust again. Isn’t four months enough time for that? So how am I left heartbroken?
I’m immediately triggered when I hear “I’m not ready for a relationship.” It snaps me back to being in a situationship and just multiple instances of unrequited love in my life.
Something I can’t stop thinking about is my ex-situationship telling me a couple years ago my flaw was sticking around when someone says they don’t want a relationship with me. And that’s embarrassing. I don’t want to be that girl.
I don’t want to be the girl that sticks around for love when someone isn’t 100% “ready” to be with me. I want to be loved out loud, and I deserve someone who is so confident in wanting to be with me.
When a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship, it shouldn’t make you question your worth or make you chase them. It shouldn’t be a challenge to see if you can make them change their feelings and fall in love with you.
You are worthy of love already, regardless of this one person. You have the rest of your life to experience different versions of love, so it’s time to let go of thinking this one is right for you.
believe them when they say they’re not ready for a relationship.
I get so irritated hearing someone say “oh, I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.” Or “I like you a lot, I just can’t commit right now.”
Immediate eyeroll.
I’ve spent so much time googling what that means and getting my friends’ perspective to make sense of it all. What does not being ready for a relationship even really mean?
I understand if you’re truly not ready for a relationship, or if you’re emotionally unavailable, but don’t drag someone else’s feelings into this. Don’t lead someone on just because you like them around.
It’s selfish and manipulative. It’s wrong, and we really need to keep everyone’s feelings in mind more in this society.
It’s not right to string people along and make them believe you’ll be ready for something serious one day, if you know deep down you just don’t like this person.
Also, my ex-situationship really fucked me up with the push and pull that “not being ready” brings if you don’t leave the first time. I made myself believe he just wasn’t ready because he said he “wasn’t ready.”
He knew how to keep me holding on a little longer and express justtt enough affection and attention to keep me in this state.
Unfortunately, 23-year-old me really wanted him and really wanted my first boyfriend. I was so used to guys not wanting to seriously date me because I didn’t have that growing up. I didn’t know a lot about dating, so when I see a cute guy that says he likes me, maybe I did get carried away.
I’m glad we didn’t end up being in a relationship for many reasons, but most importantly he didn’t have enough romantic feelings for me to actually sustain a relationship.
We would’ve failed immediately, and I would’ve felt not good enough the whole time.
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don’t fall into the delusion & what ifs.
Delusion feels amazing because it temporarily erases some of the heartbreak and misery that comes when someone says they don’t want you.
Delusion allows you to imagine the best outcome, and suddenly, you feel like you’re going to get your happy ending.
When you drop out of that daydream cycle, your smile fades and heart drops. You’re sucker punched by reality, and it sucks.
It’s hard on the mind to go back and forth between hope and reality. You’re whiplashed, and it makes finding the truth and moving on harder to decipher.
I’ve gone back and forth with my ex-situationship, who I convinced myself had strong feelings for me, despite how many times he’s told me he didn’t want a relationship with me.
I couldn’t accept it because I thought his actions didn’t match his words. I was living in delusion.
I’m really nervous about doing the same thing with my recent ex. I’m older and wiser, but how do you really know if you’ve grown if you’re not tested by similar situations?
But in the meantime, I’m focusing on stopping some of the delusion I have. And I want you to remember that you can break out of the cycle.
Remember what the reality of the situation is. It’ll keep you sane in the long run and make it easier to heal from unrequited love.
It’s okay to slip up and think about them sometimes, or occasionally think of the good, but don’t let it take over your judgement.
related reading: why unrequited love hurts so much and how to heal
