how to prioritize self respect when you care about being liked
I won’t sit here and pretend I don’t love to be liked.
I love being someone people can easily get along with. I love being someone my friends enjoy being around.
It makes me feel good to know my personality and energy has a positive effect on others.
Although I enjoy being a likeable person, I know there is a very thin line between caring about being liked and doing whatever to be liked.
There was a time in my life where I would agree to more things, let people walk all over me and lower my boundaries in order to please other people.
how to prioritize self respect over being liked
When you prioritize being liked over self respect, you’re allowing others to take advantage of you and putting your best interest below others.
Prioritize self respect over being liked by vocalizing your boundaries, decentering the positives of being liked and putting yourself in positions to stand up for yourself.
“The most important form of respect is self-respect. Not only does it show others how to treat themselves, it teaches them how to treat you.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich
additional content: journal prompts to foster self respect
decenter the positives of being liked
I will be honest and say there are positives to being liked, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to like you.
I’ve found myself in a better position with my coworkers and career when I’m liked at my job. I have better friendships and relationships with people because of my personality. I get more opportunities in life, and I’m able to hit it off well with new people I meet.
It’s okay to acknowledge the positives. But when you’re too focused on them, it can make you not want to stand up for yourself or do an “unlikeable thing” because you’re afraid it’ll take away some of those positives.
Decenter the positives of being liked, so you’re not obsessed with the outcome and effects.
“I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me. All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”
― Jackie Robinson
When you’re obsessed or only worried about the good relationships and positives that come with being liked, you’re more likely to get stuck constantly pleasing others.
It’s also crucial to make sure you like yourself first. Once you truly love yourself, you stop caring as much about everyone else's opinion on you.
additional content: self respect quotes to help you choose yourself first
put yourself in uncomfortable positions
Stand up for yourself, and practice doing things that may be “unlikeable” but improve self respect.
That may look like saying “no” more often, inputting your opinion more in conversations or standing strong on a boundary.
“Saying yes or maybe when we mean no, cheapens our word, diminishes our sense of self-respect, and compromises our integrity.”
― Paulo Coelho
Stand strong on why you didn’t want to do something, felt a certain way about an issue, or didn’t feel comfortable going through with what someone else wanted.
There’s a reason you said “no” or went against what someone would’ve liked. And it’s unfair to yourself to backtrack or overthink yourself out of your choice.
It can be very uncomfortable to disappoint others or do something that people in your life may not approve of, but your satisfaction and comfort is just as important.
Of course, you shouldn’t go around being a bitch to everyone, but I want you to remember that standing up for yourself is not being mean.
What may start as finding little ways to vocally stick up for yourself may lead to you testing your limits and becoming more assertive over time.
If you struggle with what to say when standing up for yourself or implementing boundaries, read a people pleasers’ guide to standing up for yourself.
vocalize your boundaries
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.
I’ve talked a lot about boundaries because they truly are so important in your self love journey. You can’t go through life without boundaries if you want to have self respect.
It can be scary to implement them if you’re like me: scared of being mean and likes to avoid confrontation.
But if someone’s been disrespectful to you or if you just want to add some structure to what you allow in your life, they are needed.
If you’re scared of being mean while implementing boundaries, workshop what you want to say, remind yourself of your reasons, and embrace assertiveness when necessary.
“Self-respect is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has a price.”
― Joan Didion
Wanting to be liked shouldn’t scare you from setting boundaries. If making a decision that focuses on your best interest makes someone else upset, punish you or remove you from their life, then they shouldn’t be a part of your life anyway.
Vocalize your boundaries, and let others decide how they want to react to the new standards you're implementing.
read more on boundaries:
