how to stop letting mixed signals make you delusional

Receiving mixed signals when you’re dating someone can leave you confused and stressed out. 

Who wants to be with someone who wants them one day, then changes their mind the next. They say something that makes it seem like they’re happy, then they seem unsatisfied in the next sentence. They spam you with sweet messages, then go ghost when you respond. 

It’s not fun to be in a hot or cold situation. It’s not cool to leave someone constantly questioning where they stand with you. 

Some people genuinely don’t mean to confuse you; they simply don’t know what they want. But don’t lead someone on in the process, or drag them along with you while you figure out your own dating needs. 

To stop letting mixed signals make you delusional, listen to their words instead of actions, bring up tough convos and stop romanticizing the moments that probably don’t mean anything.

listen to their words, not actions.

I’m a sucker for an “I miss you” text. It does something to me because I know how much I’m missing this person back. So it feels like I’m not alone in my feelings. 

It feels like I’m justified for wanting them because they must want me back if they miss me, right? Wrong!

Some guys say they miss you to manipulate you, knowing that you’ll fold. This isn’t all guys! But know that it’s possible. Some guys will say they’ve changed because they know that’s what you want to hear. 

If they say they miss you or want to fix things, are they actually showing you that? Are they buying you flowers, taking you on a date, apologizing for where they went wrong and making changes to their behavior? 

If it seems to be all words and no actions, recognize that this is a form of mixed signals. Whether he’s purposefully trying to manipulate you or not, you deserve someone whose words always match their actions.  

You deserve someone who will show up for you, and do everything that they’re meant to do in a relationship. Forget the words and the empty promises. Focus on reality and how they move. 

bring up tough convos.

Tough conversations about where both partners stand while dating, as well as both of your intentions, are important for preventing mixed signals. 

It’s harder to be confused if you and the person you are talking to are both open and honest about a relationship. The conversation might hurt, and it might not be what you are expecting. But knowledge is powerful and beautiful. 

With the knowledge of what you both want, you can make a better, more informed decision about whether to continue pursuing and opening your heart to this person. 

I’ve had plenty of times when I wanted to avoid having a tough conversation because I was scared of rejection, or fearful of knowing that I had to let go of someone because they didn’t feel the same way about me.

Those feelings and fears will eat you alive though. It will drive you crazy, and the mixed feelings will leave you questioning everything. 

So at the end of the day, I’d rather know someone doesn’t like me than to constantly be stressed about if they like me. I’d rather know where I stand with someone without leaning into the mixed signals and delusion. 

stop romanticizing the moments that probably don’t mean anything.

Have you ever sent a message a guy sent you to your friends to ask them what they think he means? I know I’ve been there and wanted it to be something way more romantic than their reading. 

Sometimes a “hey wyd” just means they’re checking in or bored. It doesn’t mean they’re in love with you. 

Sometimes someone saying “I like you” simply means they like you as a person, not that they want to date or be with you. 

Sometimes an “I miss you” means they miss having you around or hanging out with you, not that they can’t live without you.

Make sure to be honest with yourself about what little moments probably mean instead of what you want them to mean. I know it may hurt to crush your own bubble, but it also keeps yourself humble. It allows yourself to see things from a neutral standpoint. 

believe that they wouldn’t make you confused if they were serious about you. 

This is a tough realization and something that’s hard to process. But it’s true that someone who is emotionally available and serious about dating you won’t make you confused with mixed signals.

They will make it clear that they want you in their lives, and their actions will align with their words. 

Although I’m a firm believer of “if they wanted to, they would,” I also believe that there’s other circumstances that prevent guys from fully showing up for someone they want to date. 

However, I still think a guy who wants you will do everything in their power to show up for you, and you’ll feel it. 

He may not show up at your house with roses and a limousine to take you on a surprise date, but he may be consistent and buy you flowers when he thinks of you. He may not be able to take off work for a week to spend time with you, but he makes time for you in his free time. 

To me, it’s all about feeling like someone who is pursuing me is doing all they can to court me and show me that I’m someone they really want to be with.