how to trust the timing in your life
I feel so behind in life.
I’m watching people around me getting amazing jobs, when I’ve been stuck in the same job for years. I’m seeing people get engaged left and right, when I barely have any real dating experience. I’m observing people buy homes and have babies, when I still feel like a child.
It’s difficult witnessing everyone’s lives progress quicker. I constantly feel like I’m not as successful or grown as others. Sometimes I even feel like it’s my fault for where I am in life.
But those thoughts aren’t productive or necessarily true.
Sure, people are doing adult things like having kids and getting married, but engagement posts and life updates shouldn’t make me feel bad. I should be happy for my peers and embrace their progress, but it’s not as easy as it seems.
“Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong. Your path doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t, and it won’t.”
― Eleanor Brown
Trusting the timing of your life takes self love to appreciate where you are in your journey, and it takes self compassion to give yourself grace for what you haven’t achieved yet.
Don’t rush your own life.
Give yourself grace. It may be hard and it may take time to be comfortable with where you are in your personal journey. But it’s important to not put too much pressure on yourself to get married, have kids, get a new job, etc. If you rush things, you may end up with something or someone you don’t want.
“Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle.”
– Tim Hiller
You don’t have to keep up with where other people are on their journeys. It’s definitely not a competition, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep up. You don’t know the story of everyone around you, and it’s not fair to race to reach unrealistic standards.
My parents were young parents, and I always thought I’d be a young-ish mom (early to mid 20s.) I know it’s not in the cards for me, which is disappointing. But I also know it wouldn’t be fair to my future kids if I decided to rush and have them when I’m not where I want to be in life and am not with someone long-term that I can see as a father to my kids.
“If you’re feeling doubtful or discouraged about your progress, remember that none of your efforts have gone to waste. Often, the things we want most in life will come when we least expect them, and in ways that might surprise us.”
― Brittany Burgunder
I’m comfortable with waiting, and I hope that the cards align for me to have kids while I still can. I just have to remind myself (and you should too!) of all the negative possibilities of rushing into something just because you want it.
Consider what you truly want.
So often, I think we want things because we see other people have it, and it seems cool to have. But you also have to question if you're prepared to receive it and if it’s truly something you want in life.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
— Steven Furtick
If you’re seeing someone constantly traveling and going on vacations every month, do you have the stamina and energy to keep up with that lifestyle? Or do you value slowness and free time to spend with yourself and your loved ones?
If you see someone just got a cool job in a new city, are you prepared to leave your city for it? Do you have obligations or an established life where you are that you’re not actually ready to give up?
If you see how many people are having kids, are you prepared to devote your life to being a parent and raising them? Are you ready to make sacrifices and give away a lot of your free time?
Consider the pros and cons of what you want and think about if it’s something that you want right now. It’s important to evaluate the timing of your life and consider it could be preparing you for what you truly want.
“Trust the timing of your life. Keep focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, be kind, and follow your heart. Doors will open effortlessly, but first you have to be ready to walk through.”
― Brittany Burgunder
Be open to a different trajectory than what you thought.
Sometimes if I don’t get what I want, or if things don’t plan out the way I thought or envisioned, I tend to throw a fit or be too hard on myself. But once I realize I can pivot and am open to going a different route, I always get myself back on track and come up with a new goal.
Don’t dwell on what’s missing in your life or all the things you have yet to achieve. Be open to going a different route. Be open to hopping on a different trajectory in life than what you thought. You can’t control everything that happens in life, and you shouldn’t want to have all that power.
“Don't crave immediate results. Take the difficult route which puts your patience under fire and upgrades your lionheartedness.”
— Hiral Nagda
Things rarely pan out like we expect it to, and that’s life. Once we accept that things happen and you can’t control the timing of your life, you’re free from unrealistic standards and the feeling of being behind.
You are just where you need to be in the journey you are going on, and you are going at the pace you need to be.
Stop comparing
You really have to stop comparing your life to others if you want to be able to trust your own timing. Your journey is yours, and you are doing yourself a disservice trying to fit it into someone else’s mold.
“Our time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
– Steve Jobs
At the end of the day, try to remember that your life is yours. There are so many factors (genetics, environment, etc.) that can make others’ lives completely different from you. Don’t focus on what you’re lacking or what others have.
It can be difficult though. When I’m scrolling through social media, I see a wide range of achievements and life updates constantly, and it can be overwhelming. But I like to remind myself of everything I have achieved and have going for me.
“I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.”
― Daisaku Ikeda
If you find yourself comparing yourself to others, don’t be afraid to mute their posts, eliminate triggers online and in real life, focus on what you like about yourself and remind yourself of how proud of yourself you are.
read more: quotes to help you stop comparing yourself to others
read more: tips to stop comparing your body and looks to others
