self advocacy at work and tips to master it
Something incredible happened to me recently: I got a 30% raise at work.
I know that’s not normal, and it really means I was being underpaid, which is a whole nother issue. But I’ve been on cloud 9 because I was able to advocate for myself and really express how valuable I am and what I bring to the table.
I won’t lie. I had some of the scariest conversations I’ve ever had in the workplace over the past few months (really, past year or two.)
For background: I realized I was being underpaid (by thousands of dollars) compared to other people who do the exact same thing as me. I had so many days where I would go home and cry in frustration, and I had so many days where I just wanted to tell people off and quit.
But for some reason, I stuck it out (in part, because it’s so hard to find and get another job in this economy). But also because I enjoy (most days) what I do and the people around me.
But sticking around and getting underpaid (10-25K) less than other people (who again, do the exact same thing as me) negatively affected my mental health and self love, especially as a black woman where these things happen often. I felt so bad most days and lost most of my motivation.
I think pay transparency is so important (with coworkers you trust!!) And I think it allows you to see the reality of your situation and know if you’re being paid adequately. These companies have their best interest at heart. And you are valuable, valuable enough to leave if the numbers or situation aren’t good enough or working in your favor.
Advocating for yourself is incredibly important because you will be overlooked and ignored if you don’t show people your value and your willingness to leave if you’re not treated the way you deserve. Everyone has their own best interest at heart, and self advocacy puts you in a position to showcase how worthy you are.
read more: promoting mental wellness in the workplace
keep your motivation ignited & focus on the end goal
While I was advocating for myself over the past few months, there were a few things I kept in mind: my end goal, making small steps/conversations, being kind but firm, and persistency matters.
There will be times when you question if you’re being annoying, whether it’s worth it in the end or if you really deserve it. All those questions popped up in my head, especially before having scary conversations. I tried to silence the noise by remembering what I wanted to achieve and keeping my goal front and center in my mind.
I wanted a raise, a title change and more respect to reflect the work I’ve been doing and the recent changes our company has gone through. That’s not too much to ask for, and you also need to remind yourself that it’s reasonable. I found myself in these moments of anger at my situation, that I used to fuel motivation to speak up for myself and call out wrongdoings.
So I encourage you to find those things that motivate you or fuel your self advocacy so you’re able to really speak up for yourself and make some changes.
read more: lack of motivation and tips to conquer it
don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations
It’s also important not to be rude or inappropriately demanding. In my personal experience in the corporate world, kindness matters. BUT you also need to be firm and not be willing to take whatever and get walked all over. It’s a delicate balance that you have to learn in the workplace, but also in your everyday lives.
When you’re finding the balance, I also encourage you to be persistent! I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not enough talking to someone once and hoping they themselves can make a lot of changes right away or that they talk to everyone important about the issue.
You may have to have multiple conversations with multiple different people to make everyone aware of your goal. I had to express myself to 10-15 people about my feelings, what I wanted to be doing going forward, and reiterate my end goal.
It’s exhausting. It’s annoying. And it’s scary. I’ve talked to higher-ups that I never imagined I’d have to be advocating for myself in front of, which is not easy. I like to think of it as each conversation is a small step to my end goal, and I keep what I’m self advocating for in front of mind to keep me sane and stop me from getting overwhelmed.
Additionally, you have to be persistent. As I said before, telling one person one time may not get you the outcome you’re aiming for. Be persistent. In the later days, I liked to bring it up once a week or two to check the progress of how the promotion was going, so that I didn’t get dragged along.
read more: how to build self esteem and confidence
how to quell your fears when having difficult conversations
If you’re intimidated to tell someone how you’re feeling, I want you to write down and practice what you want to say alongside your delivery, remember to breathe during the conversation, make as much eye contact as you can handle and don't overthink.
My notes app is my best friend when I need to have a hard conversation. I constantly write down my feelings about a situation and how I want to speak up for myself at work.
It’s also important to try to relax as much as possible, especially if you know you’re nervous already. Take deep breaths! I’ll often start speaking way too fast, or my thoughts will race a million miles an hour.
be prepared to walk away
If you’ve had the hard conversations and still don’t see any indications of growth, be prepared to do the difficult task of letting go and walking away.
It’s so powerful to know what you bring to the table and stand on it. The next company or business you work with may see you as the most valuable and important asset. You deserve to be seen in a positive and respected light.
People don’t see your value until you walk away sometimes. And there’s something so satisfying about saying one last bye.
I encourage you to be transparent, open and honest when you feel undervalued. We push things to the side too often. I’m sorry to your boss, but your mental health is always more important than a job. Do not let them ruin your mindset and life. Speak up when it’s getting to be too much and interfering with your life or self worth.
read more: the struggle of self worth when feeling undervalued at work
