building self trust after letting yourself down
It can be daunting to forgive and trust yourself after you’ve made a mistake or knowingly harmed yourself in some fashion.
I’ve broken my own trust by going back to a situationship repeatedly that I know wasn’t meant for me and only caused me more harm.
Despite telling myself (and him) that I was done, somehow I still ended up in his bed. Despite going through therapy and no contact methods, somehow we still ended up being cool.
It really created problems within myself because I felt like I couldn’t control what I was doing and couldn’t trust myself to not go back, especially when I found myself missing him or the times he would reach out.
Trust can be so hard to gain back because your mind will go to those low moments where you’ve broken boundaries, ignored your gut instincts and allowed yourself to make poor decisions.
read more: gentle coping strategies for when you feel insecure
Why is trust so important in your relationship with yourself?
Trusting yourself is so important because it lessens anxiety of the unknown and allows for you to have stronger boundaries and self respect.
Self trust allows you to be confident that you’ll make good decisions and know what’s in your best interest.
When I feel the most confident in myself to do the right thing, it’s usually after I’ve demonstrated the ability to stand on my boundaries and put my longterm best interest first.
To rebuild self trust after you’ve let yourself down, focus on self discipline and setting stronger boundaries, being honest with yourself in the process, while demonstrating self awareness and positive actions.
read more: what to do on the days you don’t like yourself
How long does it take to rebuild trust after betrayal?
Rebuilding trust can take weeks, months, or even years, depending on the betrayal and level of willingness to work toward forgiveness.
You shouldn’t be forceful to automatically forgive and trust yourself either. The real work and the most meaningful lessons come through the hard work and the toughest moments.
Self trust is also a little different than trying to rebuild trust with a partner or friend because you’re only dealing with your own emotions and feelings, instead of working with someone else.
For some that may be easier because you get to work at your own pace and only have to worry about yourself. But for others, it may be harder because you have to rely on yourself to do the necessary work to regain trust lost.
read more: loving yourself when you’re not proud of past choices
What to say to gain trust back
It can help to have conversations with yourself and reflect on the situation as you work to gain your own trust back.
Here are some things that you can tell yourself as you work toward rebuilding trust. I recommend only saying or thinking the ones that are true and working toward a place where they all can be true.
Remember that building self trust is about being honest with yourself.
I recognize the mistakes I’ve made and am working on growing from them.
Building trust is a process, and I will have complete trust in myself again.
I want to be honest with myself and know I can trust the words I say.
I will follow the boundaries I set within myself.
I trust myself to make good decisions, even though I’ve had problems in the past.
