how the hell do you process being broken up with suddenly?
Being suddenly broken up with changed my brain chemistry.
We were doing so good. We were so happy, or so I thought.
Him and I were three days before our six month anniversary and a week before Christmas, so how could this possibly be the right move, if we didn’t have any problems?
How could someone break up with you randomly before the holidays? And why is it so hard to heal from that?
I’ve done countless research on how this could happen and if anyone else in the world experienced a similar breakup. So if you’re reading this babe, you may have an avoidant attachment style, according to my TikTok feed.
Everything sucks right now, but if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I will heal from this. I will move on, and it’s that promise to myself that allows me to process the awful breakup.
struggling to find a reason
He kept saying “it has nothing to do with us,” which hurts so much more.
Why couldn’t he have cheated or we have problems leading up to the breakup? It may have been easier to hate him, or have something to work on within myself, than live with the fear that relationships could end so easily on a random Thursday night.
If there’s not a specific reason, what do you tell people when they ask? “Oh, he broke up with me because of his own mental and emotional battles.” But do I even fully believe that?
I wonder what he’s telling his friends and family. Did he create a different scenario and somehow paint me in the wrong? Was I in the wrong somehow?
Honestly it’s fucking cruel to not have a good explantion. How do you process a breakup without having something to blame?
But whatever. C’est la vie. Sometimes we won’t have a reason or a good explanation for why people do what they do. So how do you move on without one? You let it go, or you take them at their word.
I’m going to go insane trying to find a reason for what he did or said. He said he’s going through emotional problems he can’t share with me. I just have to assume that he’s going through the mental breakdown of the century and accept there’s nothing I can do.
And I go through so many mental battles too, and he’s the person I want to be around and be vulnerable with. If I’m not that person for him, then I have to accept that.
additional content: affirmations to get you through being broken up with
take time. don’t rush the healing.
One thing about me: I will let myself feel the tough emotions when they initially arise.
So I cried a lot in those first couple days. I’m talking every 2-30 minutes until my eyes were swollen or I couldn’t breathe.
It was exhausting, but I needed to get out all those emotions. In fact, it’s still very fresh, and I still will cry when I feel like it. I’m taking it slow because I want to be intentional about doing the hard work.
I don’t want to suppress my feelings and have them pop up later. I want to get to a place where I’m unbothered and healed, and I know the only way to that point is to go through it.
And I am going through it.
Healing isn’t linear, and I’m giving myself grace. One hour I feel like I’m going to be okay, and I never want to talk to him again. Another hour I’m crying again and questioning how he could do this to me.
Take the time you need, and don’t expect a certain timeline for healing. Trust that you’re doing the best you can, and know that it will get easier.
read more: the first 24 hours after a breakup
add a healthy level of distraction when you’re ready.
There will come a time during your healing when crying and staying in bed is no longer helpful. In the meantime, do it as much as it feels good.
But when you feel stagnant and ready to move to the next phase of healing, slowly add a healthy level of distraction.
During the second full day after the breakup, I left my apartment to drop off his stuff to UPS, so I could send it back to him. It actually wasn’t the best outing (you can read more about it here: why isolation is okay after a break up), but it was a baby step.
The next day I went to a coffee shop to get a comfort tea and journal my feelings. This experience was a lot better, and I felt okay for a couple hours, before eventually coming back to reality and having a mini breakdown the second I reached my apartment’s elevator.
And today, I tried going back to the coffee shop, where I am currently, which has been a little more difficult of an experience. Tomorrow, I’m going home for Christmas for a little less than a week.
Each day and outing was preparing me for the trip, honestly. And each distraction makes it easier for me to do everyday things and be around people.
you take it one hour at a time until you can take it one day at a time.
Processing a sudden breakup requires taking things one hour a time. Process what you can in that first hour of being broken up with.
Do what you have to do to process and understand in that moment.
When you’ve gotten through that hour, move on to the next. Keep pushing as slow as you need. Maybe you need to take it one minute at a time.
You deserve to be on this Earth, and you deserve to have a happy life. No one should have the power to take that away from you.
Someone’s selfish decision shouldn’t define you for the rest of your life. Keep going and keep pushing because one day the hours will get easier, and you’ll be able to take things one day at a time.
Then things will start feeling increasingly better, and you’ll be okay.
