reminders for those scared to fall in love
Can I tell you guys a secret?
(I’m kinda scared to fall in love.)
There are too many what ifs. What if he stops liking me all of a sudden? What if I mess it up by saying the wrong thing on a random date? What if I wear a certain hairstyle that reminds him of his ex and he realizes he’d rather be with her?
There are too many scenarios and situations that I fear when it comes to falling for a man (especially since that species is so unpredictable!)
One man put it perfectly: “You just have to go head first into it bc the sad part about is you’ll never know but you can’t go into dating scared bc that’s what made me in the past not really wanna get close to anyone.”
I like to call him Mr. good with his words (because duh, he’s always so good with his words.)
But why can’t I accept that he might actually mean what he says?
Why can’t I accept that he may actually want to be with me?
And why am I expecting or waiting for something to go wrong at any moment?
I’m trying to fight my feelings so hard. Partly because I’ve never been in a relationship, and it’s kind of terrifying.
But at the same time, I’ve been hurt by talking stages and situationships in the past, which contributes to making me very anxious about getting my heart broken (once again.)
quote of the day
“I’m so afraid of losing something I love, that I refuse to love anything.”
— Jonathan Safran Foer
insecurities vs self sabotage
My insecurities make me want to crash out all the time, and unfortunately, I can tend to get very insecure while in the early stages of dating.
This often leads me to feel like messing up a situation with someone that’s going well if I feel doubts or don’t feel like someone likes me enough.
Or I’ll tend to overthink and talk myself into seeing red flags that aren’t there, doubting their words and actions, and dismissing their efforts. It’s a vicious cycle because I want a healthy relationship but my doubts and insecurities make it hard sometimes.
Self sabotaging in the early stages of dating is when you let fears, past trauma, insecurities, etc. prevent you from being vulnerable and accepting the good things and fresh experiences that could come out of a new relationship with someone.
Sometimes I try to balance self sabotaging with “being self aware” and having a light guard up. When I say a light guard, I mean keeping your heart protected, but letting in some light. You’re not all the way closed off, but you’re trying to be open in a healthy way.
If you’re noticing that insecurities are ruining your love life, try to acknowledge them and deal with them accordingly. Sometimes your inner thoughts protect you against bad things happening, but other times they create problems and cause bad things to happen.
If this person you’re dating is someone you see a future with, be open and honest about your feelings. Whether you feel the need to self sabotage because of trauma, insecurities or something else, explain that so that you’re on the same page.
Read more here about the battle between insecurities and self sabotage while dating!
expressing your feelings when scared
I hate talking about my feelings so bad. It’s embarrassing. I choke up. I forget what I want to say. And it just isn’t fun.
But avoiding talking about what’s bothering me and how I feel in a situation isn’t okay either.
So I force myself to say how I really feel sometimes. I make myself have the uncomfortable conversations because it’s important to express your feelings, even when it’s scary.
If you’re intimidated to tell someone how you’re feeling, I want you to write down and practice what you want to say with your delivery, remember to breathe during the conversation, make as much eye contact as you can handle and don't overthink.
Remember the reasons why you wanted to have this conversation, and remember how important it is for you to stand up for yourself and express your feelings, whether you’re hurt, feel disrespected, want to start or end a relationship, etc.
I just want to end by saying I understand how it feels to be scared to catch feelings and fall in love with someone. Don’t push yourself to do something you don’t want to. It’s okay to not be in a relationship, and it’s okay to not want one.
Read more here about how to express your feelings when you’re scared.
