let’s chat about boundaries!
We all know what boundaries are, right?
Those things we say we won’t do or allow. (But we somehow end up letting someone disrespect or take advantage of us.)
To be more specific, boundaries are physical and emotional limits you set with yourself or with other people to limit actions that you allow in your life.
They are important for sticking up for yourself and taking control of your life.
The fear of being mean, comfort in avoiding confrontation and anxiety of making someone upset can make them scary to implement.
But next year is all about doing scary things. Let’s end the year confident, and prepare to have a new year filled with boundaries and self respect.
We all should keep boundaries in place, so we don’t accept the bare minimum or allow people to walk all over us.
If you’re scared of being mean while implementing boundaries, workshop what you want to say, remind yourself of your reasons, and embrace assertiveness when necessary.
This newsletter is focused on all boundaries. Want to read more about how to set boundaries specifically with men & relationships? Click below!
quote of the week
“We all choose to receive love and joy at the level of our self-love and self-esteem. So love yourself a little harder and life will get a lot better.”
— Karen Salmansohn
no bs tips on setting boundaries.
Workshop what you want to say beforehand: I like to write out what I want to say when I’m implementing good boundaries.
If I’m doing it over text, I’ll use the notes app to type out and edit what I want to say and how I want to sound. It allows me to have more control over what I want to say, but I know sometimes you won’t have that luxury.
In person is where I struggle because I tend to overthink in the moment, get lost in the person’s eyes and emotions and stumble over my words.
Be in a calm headspace beforehand: Try to relax and prepare yourself before talking to someone about your boundaries. You don’t want to be overwhelmed or anxious.
It’s possible to calm your nerves a little by doing different comforting activities.
Maybe for you that’s doing meditation, eating a meal, exercising, talking to your friends or family, taking a nap, drinking a glass of wine, etc.
Remember why you need to implement boundaries:This is one of my favorite things to do because I tend to forget or let issues die down with time. It becomes less as big of a deal to me when it’s been a while since something happened.
I like to write out in my notes app everything someone did to make me upset, disrespect me, push my limits, etc.
So that when I look back and remind myself of the reasons that I need to set boundaries, it makes it easier and confirms that I do need to proceed with a conversation.
It also ignites my fire and fuels my anger a little to combat my underlying want to be nice and forgiving.
journal prompts for setting boundaries
What situations make it hardest for you to say no, and why?
What emotions arise in your body when you disappoint someone?
What do you fear will happen if you set a boundary?
Where did you learn that your needs come last?
How do you know when you’ve given more than you can handle?
What parts of yourself do you silence to keep the peace?
Which relationships feel safe for you to practice boundaries in?
What boundary have you been avoiding, and why?
What would protecting your energy look like this week?
How does resentment show up in your life?
in case you missed the latest
discipline is the key to self love. here’s how to stay disciplined.
When we create goals, we tend to keep them vague, such as eating healthier or spending less money.
The vagueness hinders our level of discipline and amount of success because it’s harder to measure and keep track of.
Instead, set clear intentions and goals.
If you want to eat healthier, set a certain number of vegetables and fruits you want to eat in a day. Come up with the number of fast food meals or amount of times you eat out that you don’t want to go over.
If you want to spend less money, create a budget and a plan for staying on track with your spending. Set aside money that you absolutely can’t touch, and allow yourself money that you can spend during the week or month.
Having clear intentions and tasks to work toward allows you to stay disciplined because you can envision the path to what you’re working toward instead of a vague goal.
how to practice self love on social media.
Taking photos (and even posting) increases my self love because I love to feel good about the way I look and the photo dumps I curate.
It’s a fun hobby, and I love dressing up to take photos. I’m able to look back on them with a positive outlook on my appearance.
What I don’t like is the lack of likes and comments compared to what they used to be. I hate the anxiety that comes with posting and wondering if people think I look crazy.
I love the positive comments and feedback, but does it outweigh the anxiety and embarrassment I also feel?
One of my favorite Instagram updates is the ability to hide like counts, alongside other features you can hide. It takes off the pressure of getting a lot of likes and the feeling of being judged by the number.
So this is my reminder to you to ignore the interactions (likes, comments, shares, follows, etc.) Obsessing over that will most likely not make you feel great. Focus on the parts of social media that give you joy, whatever those may be.
