how to cope after being broken up with twice
I got dumped again. I truly do have to laugh.
Being broken up with twice by the same person in a span of a month wasn’t on my Bingo card, yet here we are.
I do feel a little stupid for thinking things would work after the first breakup, but I was delusional, hopeful and in love for the first time in my life. So can a girl catch a break?
I heard so much advice from social media about not getting back together with your ex if things didn’t work out the first time.
But his apologies, tears and reassurance really got to me, especially during a time when I was so vulnerable and sad.
I honestly don’t regret trying with him for a second time because I believed in us, and I believed our love would be enough. We were doing better at communicating, and I let my mind convince me that this was still my future husband.
But he’s not, and he can’t be because I refuse to let a man play in my face for a third time.
Being dumped for the first time was a traumatic, sudden decision I didn’t see coming. The second time was also very rough and heartbreaking, but I knew I would be okay, and I wasn’t as surprised.
Everyone talks about the heartbreak from being dumped, but the pain and disappointment from ending things for a second time is a unique experience that leaves you questioning your own self awareness.
Coping with a second breakup with the same person means understanding love isn’t always enough, you weren’t stupid for trying again and learning how to fully accept it’s over.
fully accept it’s the end & don’t lean on hope
During the first breakup, it’s natural to want things to rekindle. It’s normal to want him to regret his decision and break no contact, while expressing his undying love.
It’s an amazing feeling if it happens, though of course it can be short lived. And it feels so damn good to be back with your man after thinking you wouldn’t see each other ever again.
It’s what most of us want when we’re still in love with our ex, and that’s okay.
But getting back together with someone you love, just for him to break your heart again, will change your brain chemistry. At least, it changed mine.
The first breakup, I was in denial for the first couple days: still hitting him up and trying to convince him we’re meant to be together.
And every day that we were in no contact, I desperately wanted to talk to him and wished we would be together again.
The second breakup, I was in denial only that night. And I texted him the next morning a nice, long message saying I support him in his future and will always love him.
As soon as I sent that message, I knew it was over and that I could never be with him again.
I expected to feel more sad, but it was just a definite, final decision. It’s obviously still normal for me to cry and be sad sometimes, but it doesn’t feel as paralyzing and like my life is over.
To heal after a second breakup, distance yourself from the hope of you two getting back together.
Feeling confident in things ending makes everything feel more manageable and sane. It also lessens the whiplash of the highs and lows of emotions about the situation.
don’t let a man tell you he doesn’t want you a third time
In the famous words of Steve Harvey, “Don't let a man have to tell you twice he don't want you.”
Who wants to be hurt by the same person twice? I’ve let a man or two break my heart repeatedly, and I know how bad the cycle can feel. It takes a hit on your self esteem and self worth too.
I think you should give yourself a little more grace than what Steve Harvey suggests. Sometimes you forgive, and sometimes things work out a second time. Sometimes people grow, and sometimes different timing will work in people’s favor.
But don’t let someone show you multiple times that they don’t respect or want you.
There has to be a limit where you decide that it’s not worth it. Someone that you’re meant to be with wouldn’t dispose of you, let alone dispose of you multiple times.
A man shouldn't be able to fumble you and have the ability to get you back whenever he feels like it or misses you.
additional content: the full guide for dealing with heartbreak
love isn’t always enough
UGH. Okay, this was so hard for me to realize.
I told this man “but I love you” so much throughout both breakups.
In the moment, I’m so confused on how our love is not enough, especially knowing that he loves me too. In my head, that should be all that matters between two people.
Honestly, I still think this sometimes. But, I’m in a more emotionally intelligent mindset where I know that relationships end for a reason that has nothing to do with love.
It’s not my fault for not loving him enough, and it’s not his fault for not loving me enough.
I can blame him all day for abandoning me, giving up on us, losing me so willingly, not trying to really make us work, etc. But he was facing his own problems that he wasn’t willing to let me in on.
And I can’t love him harder to make him want this relationship.
Love isn’t always enough when it comes to relationships and breakups. Once you open your mind to a broader explanation of the reason of breaking up, you’re able to better process the reality of things.
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getting back together wasn’t a stupid decision
Please do not be too hard on yourself about rekindling things or getting back together in the first place.
While my ex and I never officially got back into a relationship (we were dating and working toward it though), I don’t regret those few weeks. I don’t regret letting him back in.
During our second breakup, I said how stupid I felt. And I did feel stupid for letting him in again, trusting him and being excited to be with him longterm.
But that’s not fair to blame yourself and your decisionmaking. You decided to get back together in a mind set with good intention, and that’s not something to criticize yourself for.
What gives me hope right now is knowing that I’ve learned more in the second try (whether it lasted years or days).
You learn from your failures and mistakes, and it makes you more experienced and emotionally intelligent in your next relationship, if you choose to grow from it.
I started to see problems, more arguments and weird moments between us that made me question if it was going to work anyway.
I had problems trusting him and overthinking if he would break my heart again at any moment. It was a little stressful, but I knew that I loved him and wanted to make things work.
don’t be friends & implement no contact
Staying friends or staying in contact at all blurs the line of what you two are, and it allows for a messy situationship or on-again-off-again relationship.
You deserve to have a relationship that is steady and feels good. You deserve to feel clear and confident where both of you stand. You deserve a relationship that feels easy and natural.
Don’t do yourself a disservice by accepting a position and title less than what you want and deserve. If you want a loyal, healthy relationship with someone who’s all in for you, decide if this person is that for you.
Of course you may miss them, especially when it didn’t end on awful terms.
Missing an ex is a normal part of life, and we should normalize real, natural feelings. Instead of focusing on trying your hardest to not miss them, let feelings come naturally and acknowledge them.
No contact is the most effective for me when I let every emotion out, especially at the beginning.
Then I get to a place where I feel indifferent, which is way bigger of a power move than being angry all the time or still stuck in a relationship not meant for you.
additional content: what to expect emotionally after going no contact
